Is the financial support from developed countries to those poor nations satisfactory?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty.

Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is currently a large wealth disparity between countries in the world. In order to aid poor nations, their wealthy counterparts provide them with financial help but the problem of poverty there remains. There is a belief that some other ways of support should to be offered instead. This essay will expand on why I mostly agree with this idea in detail.

First and foremost, it is a morally right thing to help those in need. Provided that financial support does not work, developed nations have a moral obligation to support their less fortunate counterparts in other ways. Indeed, if someone notices a person lying on the street, a good and moral reaction would be to find a way to help that person not just give money and hope for the best. I think the same works at a larger scale with nations and while it is not easy to help a whole country but it is morally right to do so.

Besides, it is in the interest of rich countries to end poverty, particularly in adjacent countries, for their own safety. Unfortunately, poverty goes along with high crime rates, and many criminals from impoverished areas may sneak to a wealthier state to find luck. If rich countries find a way to lift their neighbors out of poverty, the threat of imported crime will decrease. This way, for instance, was chosen by the core states of the European Union as they implemented strategies to bring their newly accepted countries from Eastern Europe to a higher level.

In conclusion, developed nations should aid poor ones as it is morally right, and it is safer to have a well-off neighbor than a poor one. Therefore, I predominantly agree that if this cannot be achieved with financial suport, other soulutions need to be found.

In academic writing, "Besides" should be avoided.

In terms of writing styles and structures:

In order to aid ... >> ... would make more sense this way. For that same sentence, I suggest breaking it the "but.." part to another sentence. Eg: In order to aid their poor counterparts, wealthy nations frequently provide financial assistance. Yet/However, poverty issues persist. This way the essay has a more succinct and decisive tone (of course this is purely style preference :D).

"There is a belief" is a roundabout way of writing, so I recommend "Some argue" or "It is argued."

"This essay will expand ..." >> Because this is your thesis statement, so I suggest adding your subpoints right in this sentence to make your thesis complete. For eg, you can say "This essay wholeheartedly concur/agree with this argument because more developed countries have both moral duties and benefits in aiding less developed nations." "more/less developed countries" are common academic terms in replacement of First/Third World or rich/poor countries. I will always recommend writing your thesis sentence in this format: your opinion + reasons. Think of your thesis statement as the one sentence to summarize your essay, so that one can read that one sentence and still know your basic argument and reasoning. That will make a strong thesis sentence.

"a morally right thing" >> too informal. Moral obligation is a really paraphrase you used. I'd also try phrases like moral justice/morally just, it is expected of an ethical person to, universal moral codes, etc

"I think the same works" >> The same principle can apply to.... Also, I suggest you not use "I think" because it's rather informal. If you want to use that structure, "I argue" will work better.

"[...] Eastern Europe to a higher development level.

Finally, a point of further recommendation-- your essay will be much stronger if you can refute a counter-argument (which can be your 3rd idea). So basically you state one reason why people may argue differently from you, and why you think that is wrong. For eg: Some may argue that developed nations also have domestic poverty issues and should focus on their own countries instead of others. However, [insert your 3rd reason]. This is not essential/necessary IELTS, but can strengthen your content quality in any academic writing context.

In terms of ideas:
Your two reasons are good, but does not answer the prompt directly. They answer why you think more developed countries should aid less developed ones, not why you prefer other non-monetary assistance forms.

One major reason why monetary aids have been ineffective is corruption -- each level of the bureaucracy put some money in their pockets and so the aid is scant or completely gone by the time it finally reaches the people/projects in need. Many donor nations handle this by requiring stronger monitoring of where money goes (which, I assure you, costs donors $$$ haha), or simply sending non-monetary aids like human resources or whatever people actually need (food, book, bikes, etc depending on the projects). Or donors can also give financial aids directly to projects they trust instead of giving to the government. Note that either government or project operation teams, how they spend aided money can be tracked to an extent, but ultimately they need some flexibility because they probably know better than donors where aids are needed the most. In a way, this is very much a trust issue.

Another issue is that many people, when receiving financial aids, may not use the provided money for what they said they were going to spend on. So instead of paying for books and school, they may buy a smartphone and internet access and play games all day. Giving them book, and paying directly tuition (and tuition only) in this case ensures people don't misuse financial aids.

This prompt reminds me of the micro-finance hype, where donors "loan" poor families some 'seed money' (low-to-no interest) so these families can start their own business and build up their own financial strength. Then they have to pay off their "loan" at a certain deadline. Feel free to search this up.

Hope these helps with ideas for your essay.

The essay has some repeated words such as "morally thing", "developed countries". Also, the reasons are not strong enough to explain for your opinion.

@anhnguyenhai333
Thank you for such a detailed review, highly appreciate it. Seems I have this problem with direct answering the prompt question and I really do not understand at this point what should I have written. I am including the prompt ance again for clarity, as the thread name has changed for some reason.

Before starting writing I was hesitating between answering should or should not rich countries offer other ways to help orhow else rich countries can help (addressing corruption, lack of ways to earn money, like underdeveloped industry etc.). I assumed that it is the former case so I procceded to answer why I think they should help in other ways, but now I am confused as your point is convincing.

I agree with your suggestion Your two reasons are good, but does not answer the prompt directly. They answer why you think more developed countries should aid less developed ones, not why you prefer other non-monetary assistance forms

But I can argue that your ideas are not precisely answering the prompt too if I try very hard, it is so confusing now. For example, you are stating two resons why monetary aid is ineffective. The prompt did not ask this in my opinion. The fact that monetary aid is ineffective is given as a fact and no questions whythere.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty.

My knowledge in international relations and economy is limited, I would like to understand what is the correct answer/ideas/reasons for this prompt.

• 
  wt2.jpg
  

If you are still willing to listen to me, since you obviously would rather listen to students, than contributor advice, I will tell you what you are doing wrong. Accept my advice or not, this is the truth, which will not stroke your ego, but will help you become a better writer. There are only student comments here. Those are not the same as improvement advice coming from a contributor. Then again, the choice is yours. Take my advice or not, I am still going to give it.

Do not focus on the word number count. Writing a long essay, that does not correspond to the prompt instruction is not going to give you a passing score. Any teacher who says you should write more words to pass is not a good teacher. The examiner does not score on word count. The exam taker is scored on the content of the essay. There are no right or wrong answers. There is no need to pose a debate in the essay. There is only a discussion so words such as "argue" or anything that signifies discord or debate is frowned upon by examiners. They score down for the use of inflammatory words that alter the original message of the prompt.

Do not rush into writing your essay. With 40 minutes to write this essay, you should take the first 20 minutes to consider, outline, and draft the essay. Cut up the prompt into the following outline to help you consider how to best approach your response.

Consider:

What is the topic? Rich countries often give money to poorer countries,
What problem does this solve? poverty.
Alternative solution? developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries

Discussion Outline:
Thesis: I strongly support the alternative solutions for several reasons.
List of Pro and Con for alternative solutions

Think about your own country at this point. Does the aid it receives from the UN, WHO, allied nations, and others truly make a difference in the life of the poor in your country? If yes, why? If no, present reasons why it doesn't work.

The main thing is to not lose focus of your essay topic, the defense of a singular point of view, your strong agreement with the alternative solutions. Depict examples of charitable organizations in your country whose projects truly make a difference in the poor sector of your society.

The most important parts of your essay writing will be:

-To prove that you understood the prompt topic and discussion requirements
- Clearly explain your response through the use of examples and related reasons.

You do not need a background in international relations. However, the Task 2 essay requires you to be up to date with international and local current events. So if you want to be able to write applicable personal knowledge responses, you better start reading and following news sources. The Task 2 topics will always be based on those types of discussions and opinion topics. Read, learn, remember the facts, and apply whenever applicable in a Task 2 essay topic.

Take your time in writing your essay. 20 minutes used on considering how and what you will write will help you score better than the 300 words you wrote wherein you were thinking and writing at the same time. To avoid errors, focus on brainstorming first. Outline the discussion points and then write about it in 10 minutes. No more that 290 words. Then take the last 10 minutes to review, edit, and strengthen your discussion. Only then will you be able to overcome your problem in assessing the best way to respond to a question. Remember, it is a single opinion essay. The extent essay is never a C/C or A/D discussion. It is a direct opinion, single opinion discussion essay only. That will never change.

@Holt
Thank you for your response, I highly value your answeres. To get a professional opinion and correction is the main goal for me here, please do not feel that I value other opinions more or do not want to hear tutors. My goal is to understand where my mistakes are, so your posts help a lot. And I hope you still going to give your opinions in the future.

You are right, I do rush and think while writing.

@RomanKoch Right, I didn't actually answer the prompt. The things I mentioned are mostly good starting points I think might be helpful if you want to dig a bit deeper into the topic. These are only the tips of an iceberg though. If you google financial aid (in)effectiveness for eg, there can be some good food for thought :D Holt has great guide to explore essay prompt already. GL!