The developed countries should share their wealth with the poor nations

Should the wealthy nation be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

IELTS WRITING TASK II - WEALTHY AND POOR COUNTRY

The definition of wealthy nations is the countries having a high Gross Domestic Product (GDP) per capita each year with a small number of citizens and the availability of both human and technology resources. Meanwhile, the poor nations are the countries earning less GDP per capita each year with a considerable number of citizen and only has the human resources. Therefore, the wealthy countries should share their wealth with the poor countries because usually, they earn the money from the poor countries and such action will contribute to the advance of the poor nations

The developed countries should share their expenses to the underdeveloped country because usually the earn it by doing the economic trading and oil drilling in those poor countries. A recent study by Oxford University shows more than 80 percent of the wealth had by the developed state is achieved by oil drilling and the developing states do not get a fair share by this action. It is true that the rich nations should share their fortune with the poor nations.

Moreover, it cannot be denied that poor states are left behind in some ways such as health and education. Hence, the developed nations should help them by sharing their wealth because it will also help them to get a better economic trading agreement. A research run by Australia Government in 2016 shows that 78 percent of people having a good education background has bright minded to think economically. It is true that helping the poor nations will benefit the developed countries so they should share their wealth.

To conclude, developed nations have higher GDP than underdeveloped countries. Hence, the developed countries should share their wealth because they earn it by doing some acts involving the poor nations, such as oil drilling. In addition, the higher the education quality of the citizen in the developing countries, the better the cooperation plan of the economy that will be had by the rich countries.

Lubis, you are taking the IELTS test but you wrote this essay as a GRE response essay instead. The one thing that you cannot use in the IELTS essay is researched information. You cannot use researched data because you don't have the time to research. In fact, you won't even have access to research information of any sort. Learn to write these essays based upon your pre-existing knowledge, without the need to make reference to other sources. That is the proper way to write this essay.

Additionally, you need to learn how to write a properly paraphrased opening statement. You do not immediately launch into a discussion of facts. You must first, represent the original prompt discussion in your own understanding and words. So, if I were to write the proper opening statement for this essay, I would have said:

There are two types of nations in the world, rich and poor. These countries have a great divide when it comes to their wealth. There are some who say that the richer counterpart should support the poorer one through subsidies on food and education. Others, believe that the more affluent side should simply teach their less fortunate counterparts to care for themselves. In this essay...

The reason that I did not complete the discussion sentence of my version is simple, you did not indicate the discussion instruction as part of the original prompt. Which means that you did not post the complete information I need to assess the essay. Next time, post the complete original prompt. Otherwise, you will also end up getting partial advice from the contributors here.

Hi Lubr, I suggest you focus on " should the nations share their wealth by providing such things as food and education? " as that is the prompt required.

Because as what I can see:
"Moreover, it cannot be denied that poor states are left ..."

You had not developed the statement properly, such as what kind of wealth the developed countries could be shared with?

Hope that helps.