TOEFL - Finding a good job and increasing the knowledge are the main reasons for study

There is no doubt that entering to the university and college is very important for many people. There are a lot of reasons that may motivate people to attend a college or university. Some people try to enter to the university to increase their knowledge and others hope to find a job after graduation from the university. In addition, some people attend the university and college to increase their social position.

First of all, people want to enter to the university to improve their knowledge. These people want to learn more about their favorite subject of the knowledge. For example, I have been always interested in learning Physics and I hope to progress in this major by entering to the PHD program.

Second of all, many people attend the college and university to find a job after graduation. Finding a job in our society is both very challenging and difficult. Now, having a credible degree from a university is a very important factor that can increase the chance of finding a good job. For example, I graduated from a highly-ranked university and so it is much easier for me to find a good job than a person without a degree from a college or university.

All in all, There are a lot of reasons for attending to the university and college, but both finding a good job and increasing the knowledge are the main reasons for this issue.

Hi :)
I think your introduction does't clearly define your thesis statement which includes your position or main points.
Here is some Introduction tips.
1. Hook Statement (Recommend) : Grasping Attention.
2. Background / General statement.
3.. Restate the question. (Optional)
4.. Thesis Statement : State your opinion and lead-in to body. --> Example "From my vantage point, knowledge improvement and career opportunity are two major reasons why people should attend university"

Hope this help you. :-D

Pay attention to the structure Audi has recommended to you. It helps you earn a good score while managing your time efficiently at the exam :)

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