Hi, writers! I'm planning to take an IELTS test in 1 week more. My friends had recommended me to share my writing in this forum because of so many corrections and insights I can get here. Actually, this is my first time trying to write an essay on IELTS writing test, so you may find errors and misorders of words in my essay. Help me and share your insights on this essay, and rate my essay based on IELTS band system when possible. I beg for harsh critics to help me detect errors and misfits and to polish my writing gradually.
The bar graphs illustrate the data of the activities of graduate and post graduate students in United Kingdom who prefer to not work full-timely in 2000
Both of the graphs share similar pattern, where most graduate and post-graduate students sought for advanced comprehension on their expertise as they tended to pursue deeper level of study, while in contrast, volunteers are the least popular destination to go. On 2008, the amount of graduates attending further level of education is 29,665 people, while there were 2,725 post-graduate students who continued to doctoral program. Voluntary jobs did not attract many of 2008 graduates and post-graduates, considering that there are only 3500 volunteers whose bachelor title and 345 post graduates who were willingly to take the voluntary acivities. On the other hand, part-timers and unemployments sit in the second rank and the third rank consecutively, where there were 17,735 bachelors who choose part-time work as their next step, and 2,533 of part-time workers in 2008 backgrounded as masters degree. Furthermore, on 2008, there were 16,235 jobless graduates in UK and 1,625 out of total unemployed people held the masters degree.
I had tried the timed writing test by myself. This task should spend about 20 minutes and I did not meet the required time to complete my essay. So, any suggestions to work better under time pressure will help. Finally, I beg you guys to be harsh and to-the-point as this acts as better stepping stone for my better writing.
Thank you, may you have a great day!
** For some reasons I could not upload the .jpg file of the bar chart here, but the IELTS sample writing test is from Cambridge IELTS 10th edition, in Test 3.