Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Five reasons of journey to New Zealand by foreign tourists, measured in percentage


rian31 14 / 22  
Sep 14, 2016   #1
IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : (INTERNATIONAL VISITORS TO NEW ZEALAND : REASON FOR VISIT)

The chart gives information about five reasons foreign tourists to journey in New Zealand and is measured in percentage. At first glance it is evident that, walking and sightseeing is favorite activities undertaken by the visitors compared with boating, visiting volcanoes, and visiting museum.

With regards to favorite activity, walking is on the top ranks and reach 85%. After that, sigthseeing overtake in second position by approximately 72%. It is noticeable that majority of visitors prefer to undertake walking in New Zealand than sightseeing.

On the other hand, reason visitors come to New Zealand also for boating at half. Besides, charm of visiting volcanoes and museum do not make foreign tourists interested so this activities are in the last position by approximately 30%. In brief, many tourists who came from the outside of New Zealand inclined enjoy magnificence of this country by walking and sigthseeing than tour with boat. Unfortunately, all of them do not like to circulate historic sites and museum volcanoes.



Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Sep 14, 2016   #2
Hi Rian,this is my suggestion for your essay:
1."Journey in New Zealand and is measured.." .Better if use "Journey in New Zealand which is..."
2."reason visitors come..." . better if use " The reason of visitors come..."
3. "reasons foreign tourist", we know almost that tourist is foreigner,so its useless.we can just write "tourist", this is include domestic and foreigner.


Home / Writing Feedback / Five reasons of journey to New Zealand by foreign tourists, measured in percentage