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IELTS Essay task 2: Food can be produced cheaper if we use...

Aug 10, 2017   #1
Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some methods are dangerous for humans health, and have negative effects for local communities. Your opinion?

improved fertilizers and better machinery

Nowadays, with the help of advanced technology, scientists have discovered numerous methodologies that are widely applied in the food production. Some methods are effective while others put humans health in danger. In my opinion, I agree that modern machinery brings more benefits than disadvantages.

On the one hand, by using upgraded fertilizers and machines, the cost of food production can be reduced significantly. In agriculture, high-quality fertilizers enable farmers to harvest better yields while poor-quality crops require additional money for the improvement of spoiled seeds and plants. In addition, the food production will be economical when using developed machines. Backward machines can be broken and out of order anytime, which means extra expenditure should be spent to ameliorate them. Another problem occurs in manufacturing is that the whole process must be delayed due to the shortage of machines in the production chain. As a result, more employees are hired to meet the deadlines and factories have to spend more money on staffs.

On the other hand, dangerous methodologies can be harmful to people's heath and have an adverse impact on the local communities. Not many farmers have the thorough knowledge about the systems they utilize, as a result, they do not know how to protect themselves from any dangers that may occur. Many fertilizers give off poisonous stream of air, which can eventually cause lung cancer, however, farmers usually ignore this. Using electric equipment in fishing is another effective method, yet fatal. This practice not only causes extreme risk for the farmers but also affects the environment. Local citizens who are exposed to the smoke released into the air by factories nearby are also badly affected.

In conclusion, I agree that the cost of food production can be reduced by using improved fertilizers and machinery. Although there are some negatives, if the farmers and workers can make the best use of them, the benefits they offer outweigh the drawbacks.
Holt [Contributor] 1542  
Aug 11, 2017   #2
Thu, in an IELTS Task 2 Essay, your personal opinion, though required by the prompt, is not to be given in the opening statement. This is a common mistake that most first timers make because of their eagerness to show off their English skills. The problem with placing your personal opinion sentence in the opening statement is that it requires an immediate follow up explanation. Since you are limited to only 5 sentences per paragraph, it is not advisable to start a discussion in the opening statement that cannot be completed there. So save the personal opinion for presentation in the next paragraph. Instead, close the opening statement with, "My personal opinion regarding this matter will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs.". That acknowledges the prompt instruction for the discussion and also strongly closes that paragraph.

Next, since this paper is all about your personal opinion and nothing else, make sure that it is known from the very start of the 2nd paragraph by indicating, "Personally, I believe that..." Always use use the first person pronouns in the essay in order to keep the ownership of all the statements. Also, refrain from trying to discuss too many reasons in one paragraph. That leaves you with hanging sentences since you cannot complete multiple discussions in one paragraph. The examiner expects to read only one fully developed paragraph. Take advantage of that simple expectation by developing the heck out of that reason in that paragraph. You are guaranteed a higher score that way.

Finally, we come to the conclusion. You must always use this portion to summarize the content of the essay you wrote for the benefit of the reader. It serves as a reminder of the topic and the outcome of your personal opinion. Nothing more, nothing less. The presentation of new ideas or facts, as you did here, means that the discussion is not over, even if you did say "In conclusion", because you need to further develop the ideas that you just presented. Ergo, it is not an ending but a continuation of the discussion. When you say "In conclusion", you have to do exactly that. Conclude the statement.
OP namchun99  
Aug 11, 2017   #3
Thank you so much for your detailed comment. I appreciate that.

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