Unanswered [3]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


IELTS 2: Food travels thousands of miles from the farm to the consumer. Good or Bad



Alexielts 2 / 3  
Dec 12, 2013   #1
In contemporary society, food can be transferred across the globe in order to meet its demand. Since this tendency plays a pivotal role in humanity, a great deal of discord has arisen in the society over its upsides and downsides. In this regard, distinct views will be discussed in many facets.

It is universally acknowledged that food supply is of necessity to mankind. To begin with, a wide range of food affords consumers more options to suit their preference. In other words, a society is deemed to be relatively more livable with enriched food diversity. More importantly, for the sake of allocating food and farm products, more labours and specialists are required. This, undeniably, boosts employment opportunity as well as stimulates economic growth of a nation. Thus, seen from this perspective, the trend of food transfer is not something necessarily detrimental.

In spite of this, some claim that food products may get contaminated easily when they are moved from one region to another. Furthermore, numerous rare diseases are determined to be contacted via food transit. As a result, it is disturbing that food from overseas could erode the local environment and public health.

Notwithstanding the disease transmission, the pros of food logistics are more palpable and profound. With the cutting-edge technology, customs could eliminate threats from foreign farm items by legislation. For instance, Australia strictly prohibits raw food imported by individuals and this policy is effective and efficient as far as I am concerned. Apart from this, the development of food transfer could decelerate food shortage, and perhaps hunger in particular areas. Accordingly, a vast number of people are the beneficiaries.

In conclusion, the advantage of long distance food travel for different purposes prevail over it advantages. I am convinced that as long as this development is under the scrutiny of countries themselves, the negative implication is minimal while it saves people lives.

(313 words)

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Dec 12, 2013   #2
It is universally acknowledged that food supply is of necessity to mankind.

I don't find much meaning here... This sounds like a too obvious fact. In essay writing you need to keep the reader's interest in your writing. So, every time you should tell him something that he would arouse his curiosity. Too obvious facts only makes the reader boring, not interested. So such sentences would only be an overhead to your essay and would not serve any purpose. Avoid writing such sentences.

To begin with, a wide range of food affordsoffers consumers more options to suit their preference.

... this should be the starting point for your body paragraph.

I think it is necessary to write a topic sentence for this paragraph.

Yes, this is very very important... I cannot give you meaningful comments without exactly knowing what your prompt is. Hope you post it here.
OP Alexielts 2 / 3  
Dec 18, 2013   #3
thanks for giving this advice as I didn't notice this is one of my weaknesses.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Food travels thousands of miles from the farm to the consumer. Good or Bad
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳