Countries should start using nuclear power as their main source of energy; fossil fuels (i.e. coal, oil and gas) are not going to last forever and nuclear power is the cheapest alternative.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many countries are interested using nuclear power as main source of energy instead of fossil fuels. Because they believe many sources in the world which they are used now will disappear one day. Therefore, they want to start using nuclear power. In my opinion, governments have to put strict laws to use the nuclear power.
Nuclear power is environment friendly and the cheapest alternative according to other sources. Moreover, it cannot pollute the air, water and forests. This situation is so vital to live without risks for animals, humans and plants in the world. Some developed countries are still discussing the results of this energy. They also establish some laboratories in many locations to research and do some experiments.
Even though it has many benefits to the world, this can be dangerous if they use unconsciously.. When nuclear power produces somewhere, governments and employees which they work for producing it, they have to manage well. Because if the building are exploded in many cases such as uneducated worker or not having strict rules. The probability of explosion is very low, but people have to be careful. Because if it happens, nature will extinct immediately. The results can be very hard. Therefore, developed countries should produce it and have some regulations and laws.
Bottom line is, the nuclear energy will be our alternative in the world. If people can handle these managerial processes, this energy will be very beneficial for our future. When producers follow the regulations and laws, I believe this energy makes nature happy and clean.
The main flaw in your introduction is how you have managed to discuss a topic not even related to the prompt provided. The prompt asks you to agree or disagree with the belief that "Countries should start using nuclear power as their main source of energy; fossil fuels (i.e. coal, oil and gas) are not going to last forever and nuclear power is the cheapest alternative." Therefore, your restated prompt in the introduction should reflect your agreement or disagreement with the statement in the prompt. Instead, your thesis prompt explains that you "In my opinion, governments have to put strict laws to use the nuclear power. " Do you see where the problem is?
The prompt is asking you to agree or disagree with the statement that was provided. Instead, you are discussing the reasons why the government has to use stricter laws when using nuclear power. Where in the prompt is that opinion being asked for? The prompt is clear, all you have to agree or disagree with is the why of either using or not using nuclear power as a future source of energy. You are not supposed to discuss why the government needs to have stricter nuclear power use laws. Your deviation from the prompt ensures that this essay will get a failing mark in the actual test.
Your introduction should have contained your agreement and disagreement with the prompt with your supporting facts presented in the succeeding paragraphs. Had you only worded your final sentence in that paragraph as "I agree that nuclear power will be the best alternative as a main source of energy because it is the cheapest alternative to fossil fuels.", then you would have passed this test.
Even your discussion points cover your idea of government regulation instead of whether nuclear energy should be used or not. The following are your irrelevant discussion points:
1. In my opinion, governments have to put strict laws to use the nuclear power.
2. Even though it has many benefits to the world, this can be dangerous if they use unconsciously.. When nuclear power produces somewhere, governments and employees which they work for producing it, they have to manage well...
3. When producers follow the regulations and laws...
If you write an opinion essay based upon the correct prompt, I am sure that you will be able to pass the test, even if it is only a practice test :-)
Thank you for your feedbacks, you are definitely right. I have just changed my essay. Could you have a look?
[...]
Great revision Olem! There are just some grammar concerns that need to be addressed in order to polish the essay :-) By the way, don't forget to always use some keywords from the prompt itself in order to improve your score and prove your understanding of the English language and ability to use the terms properly.
Many countries are interested IN using nuclear power as A main source of ... Because, t They believe many sources in the world which they are used IN USE now will disappear in the future. Therefore, they want to start using AN alternative sources like nuclear power. In my opinion, it is the best alternative as a main source of energy. There are many reasons why they WE should start to have it USE NUCLEAR POWER as soon as possible.
... When they use coals or oil, they are released CO2 and it causes air pollution.
... This situation is so vital to IT IS VITAL THAT WE live without risks for TO animals, humans ...
Some developed countries HAVE establishED some laboratories in (...) do some experiments REGARDING NUCLEAR ENERGY USE. ...
S THE second reason is that it is the cheapest alternative to the other NATURAL sources.
... when they produce ENERGY in their own country.
... employees and it supports the employment rate NEEDS of the country. They may also allow other countries to use this energy. This has improved economy of the country.
...
Bottom line is, the nuclear energy will be our alternative ENERGY SOURCE in the world EVENTUALLY. This energy will be very beneficial for TO our future. I believe this energy makes nature happy WILL HELP CONSERVE NATURE and clean and PRESERVE ANIMAL HABITATS animals , vegetation and humans (...) for the rest of their life LIVES.
Thank you very much, I will review your feedbacks!
Please also grade my essay from 1 -9 as ielts score.
Can you also look at my other essay if it is possible?
You already know what my comments are for your original version of the essay, which, in my opinion could not have gained a score higher than 2. That essay was really terrible and did not present your ability to understand English in a positive manner. There as absolutely no way that essay would have passed. You simply did not apply yourself to developing the essay at the time.
The second version, would most likely get a 6 because it showed an improvement over the first version. Keep in mind though, in an actual test, you don't get a do-over. You can't repeat the test if you fail it. So you need to work on getting the essay right the first time. Your problem lies in the way you understand English. You need to practice comprehension exercises when you have the time. It will help you to better develop your essay writing skills.
Keep practicing and you will get better. Remember the advice and lessons that you are going to be receiving here and you will find that your abilities will improve over time. So don't lose hope. You will make it as long as you apply yourself to your task.
Hi vangiespen,I like your comments, they are very beneficial to me. Could you check my other essay if you have time? I would appreciate it.
