IELTS: Four countries comparison - Japan spending for food was highest with approximately 23%

The graph illustrates four different countries spend money for five things, included food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing in 2009.

Overall, shares of expenditures for housing was the highest in the most of these countries excepted Japan, however, they were over 20%. It can be obviously, total percentage of transportation and food were the second biggest and higher than 10%. By contrast with health care and clothing spending just under 10%.

According to te chart, review top of percentage of each outlay we can see that the United states had shares of expenditures for housing and health care was biggest with around 27% and 7%, respectively. Whereas Japan had spending of shares for food was highest withh approximately 23%. Similary, Canada had outlay for transportation was biggest compared with United states, United Kingdom and Japan with 20%

In contrast, the United states had proportion of food spending and clothing outlay were the lowest in four countries with just under 15% and 4%, respectively. While Japanes spend money for transportation was lowest with 10%, the canada had shares of expenditures of housing was lowest and the United Kingdom just spend about 1% for health care at least in four countries.

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  please help me to fix this task and take score if can be done. Thank you so much
  

The graph illustrates how four different countries spend money for five things, included food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing in 2009.

Overall, shares of expenditures for housing was the highest in allthe most of these countries excepted Japan; however, they were over 20%. It can be seen obviously, total percentage of transportation and food were the second biggest and higher than 10%. By contrast with health care and clothing spending just under 10%.

In my opinion, you can write:
In all countries, the greatest expenditure is on housing with over 20%...
or
Overall, spending for housing constitutes the largest cost / is the biggest cost with over 20% in all countries, followed by food and transportation, which account for more than 10%, and health care as well as clothing with under 10%.

According to the chart, review top of percentage of each outlay(I don't think this is a popular saying) we can see that the United states had shares of expenditures for housing and health care was biggest with around 27% and 7%, respectively (Here you have grammar errors). Whereas Japan had spending of shares for food was highest with approximately 23%. Similary, Canada had outlay for transportation was biggest compared with United states, United Kingdom and Japan with 20%.

If I were you, I would write:
Among four countries in question, United States is the most concerned one about housing, with 27% budget spent on this, nearby United Kingdom (24%), Japan (22%) and Canada (21%). The same situation happens in health care as the US spends 7% budget on this, relatively Japan 4% and Canada and UK only about 2%. The opposite situation is seen on clothing, which only costs 4% the US spending, 6% of Canadian budget and between these figures with the remaining countries.

In contrast, the United states had proportion of food spending and clothing outlay were the lowest in four countries with just under 15% and 4%, respectively. While Japan spend money for transportation was lowest with 10%, the Canada had shares of expenditures of housing was lowest and the United Kingdom just spend about 1% for health care at least in four countries. => You got the same problem in this paragraph.

Referring to food, Japan and UK have the largest share of spending, with 23% and 20% respectively. Canada and US budgets on food, in contrast, both stay less than 15%. Besides, no countries surpass Canada in expenditure for transportation. This share in Canada is 20%, of which a half is represented in Japan and two thirds are seen in UK, and US about 17.5%.

Anw, I think your idea is basically ok, but you need to pay more attention to grammar and you need a conclusion. I'm also practising IELTS writing, therefore my above words are also needed correcting by the others in essayforum.

Cheers!

Thank Katy Curie for your detailed comment, I red carefully I saw many nice word. I'll notice your advices, thank you so much!