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Free theme narrative story (Grim of the schools)



Edukid2309 3 / 4  
Nov 24, 2024   #1
From your advice on my last story, I have decided to make a new one and made some improvements. This story is written to spend my free time, quite long and not for any special purpose so if you have time, please review. Many thanks!

Grim of the schools

Hello, my name is John Creasus. Today is Halloween; my son - William, and grandchild - Albert- are visiting me.
"Hello, Dad! We come to visit you," says William
"Oh, I don't expect you to come here. And you too, my grandchild"
"Hello, Grandpa. How are you? Do you think I look good in this costume?"
He is wearing a Grim Reaper costume. It is well-made
"Yes, this is awesome, your mother must have made this for you"
"You are right grandpa, now I am going trick-or-treating so see you soon."
Albert leaves the house, only I and Will are here
"His costume brings us so many memories, especially the old case"
"Umm, what case?"
"Dad... did you forget? The "Grim of the school" case"
"Oh, sorry about that, I am way too old to remember anything but this"
That story about the Grim is something I can't forget, marking my standout in the police force that time.

Twenty years ago, I was a former police officer. William studied nearby, so I didn't have to drive him to school. At that time, bullying was common. Whenever we gathered together, most of my son's stories were about bullying and how he reacted against those wrongdoings, so I was proud of him.
Everything was going well until one day, when we were informed about the deaths of multiple teenagers and police were unable to discover anything from all the incidents that could help them track down the murderer. I was also involved in the investigation.
"Does the investigation make any progress?" said Carlsen - our captain of the police force
"We have tried so hard, Sir. But unfortunately, we can't find anything except the fact that the same person causes all these deaths"
"You all have to do better, this is of no normal case, we can't let more innocence die and that person get away with his or her actions"
"Yes Sir!"
Strong as our spirits were, we could not unravel anything worthy and the case fell into a deadlock.
During those days, I heard about a case in which a school teenager committed a suicide for unclear reasons. It was a short case, so I didn't mind that a lot.
At night, I came home exhausted, my wife and son were there and helped me.
"Dear, you seem stressful," said my wife
"Oh, it's nothing, the murder case is just so confusing and our investigation team can barely do anything"
"Don't worry, I'm sure you will succeed, right William?"
"Yes, I believe you, Dad"
I felt motivated, both wife and son left so I could take a rest. Then I overheard their conversation:
"I am worried for you and your dad, most victims are all teenagers, I am afraid you will be one"
"Mom, don't think like that, I know how to protect myself"
"It's good to hear that, also have you met Tyler today?"
"Oh, I haven't met him since he left school, did you meet him"
"Yes, he was with Sarah (Tyler's mother) this morning, we met each other in the supermarket"
Tyler was one of William's friends. He was an excellent student, and his achievements made everyone green with envy, even Will. Sadly, he was a victim of bullying and had to quit school. Had it not been for that, he could have still stayed to pursue his dreams in the academy. I was too tired to hear the rest, so I slept.
Days by day, the investigation still didn't make progress. To make matters worse, more bodies of the teenagers were found. The locals started to get furious, they formed a crowd, criticizing the police force for not taking this seriously while seeking justice. Every police officer, including me, had never been under this much pressure before. Some parents demanded protection from the police to ensure their children's safety. Carlsen provided them with protection by sending officers to them and increased lookout across the town. This was doubtless one of the biggest cases I had ever participated in, hoping to find the person responsible for this.
As I was working, one of my colleagues rushed into the office and shouted "IT HAPPENED AGAIN, ANOTHER VICTIM IS DEAD". We were shocked and got to the scenario as fast as possible.
To our surprise, the event took place inside a house. This was completely different from other murder cases as most victims were found dead in the lakes or the nearby forest. We quickly gathered the information about the victim. He was Ben Little, a school student from a middle school not so far from here. What was even more mysterious was that his parents were also there. Both were knocked out and they were among the people who sought protection from the police. The climax saw the appearance of Finn, who was responsible for the protection. After this, he was fired for his careless actions. Ben's parents made a quick recovery in the hospital. They were so sad and angry that they couldn't provide any information to us. Even when they were calmer, they only claimed to have been hit in the back from inside the house and remembered nothing since then. Some witnesses said they heard a gunshot but after a careful search, this had nothing to do with Ben's death as his mortal wound was caused by strong impact, particularly a close-range weapon, and no trace of the bullet was found.
After my shift ended, I called Finn. He expressed his feelings of guilt for letting someone die and said that he wasn't suitable for the job. I appeased him and asked him if anything strange had happened. Finn told me something unexpected: "I was on my way to the victim's house when I heard a gunshot. It came from the forest so I ran in haste to see what happened. I pulled out my gun, ready for anything that would challenge me. Suddenly a strange humanoid fell from the sky right in front of me. It stood there mysterious. I wasn't aware so I told him to freeze, but I got hit in the back and blacked out. Soon I woke up and saw the humanoid. I checked it and it turned out to be just a mannequin. I gasped and ran to the victim but it was too late. What happened next, you know it. sigh"
From what he said, I imagined that the murderer must be a strong, intelligent and fearless man to be able to do all of this. Some days later, I went to a supermarket to buy some drinks for my investigation team then I saw 2 teenagers talking about the latest case.
"Hey, have you heard that Ben got murdered?"
"Yes, I know, he deserved that."
"Deserved? Did you kill him?"
"Bro, what are you talking about? You think I have the guts to do such a thing?"
"Seem like you do"
"Don't say that stupid thing, bro, he is an arrogant bully, everyone hates him including me but it is not like I would kill him for that"
"Maybe you are right. We must obey the law and order."
The word "bully" caught my attention. I approached them.
"Hello, I am a police officer in our town. May I ask you a question?"
"Hello officer, yes we are free today"
"What do you know about Ben Little?"
"Well, he is a student who studies at the same school as us. Everyone hates him because he is so arrogant. His narcissism and malevolence terrify even the teachers. If Ben meets anyone he dislikes, he would bully them. Many people are his targets and we can't do anything. His demise must be a divine retribution."
"Hmm... Anyway, I have to go now, thank you for your time, and stay safe out there."
Having this important information, I reported this to the team and we then went on a deep research about all the victims. The result was surprising. The victims were all 100% bullies. We could tell that the murderer's intention had something to do with bullying. This allowed us to limit the search range by a lot, aiming at suspicious people related to this problem. Still no clues could be found from doing that. Some of the investigators even raised questions about whether the murderer's intention was related to bullying.
Soon, another victim was reported dead. We were ordered to take care of the scene. However, this time it was a teacher instead of a teenager. One of the victim's tools which was used in the murder was still there and we were even able to get some fingerprints. Through proper confirmation, it gave a shocking result: the fingerprints came from a teenager. This led to a clash in the investigation team. While many people considered the youngster a killer and he might have also related to the teenagers' deaths, others opposed that opinion and sticked to their gun, thinking he was wronged. The heated debate went on until midnight.
I was on the side of the advocates. Trying to convince the opposers that the second teenager was behind all this would do no good, so I decided to investigate alone, regardless of potential risk. I came through all the places where the murders happened, checking all documents about the cases to make sure I didn't miss anything. Hard work did pay off: I finally found important evidence: the gun. There was a case in which the victim got shot by a gun. The police managed to get the bullet but could not find the gun. I recalled what Finn told me before, so I went to the location where he got attacked. I was surprised to see the mannequin still there the whole time, but I didn't care much. There, I easily found the gun buried under the ground, and when I extracted the fingerprints, it showed the same result. If I said exactly what I had done, they would have suspected my action because only I knew about the gun, which I solved by just telling them I had found this lethal weapon in the forest and let them did the rest as I did.
At this point, everyone were fully convinced that the murderer had to be a teenager and since the last victim was also a bully, his intention was also clear. They also acknowledged that they got it wrong from the start, and now did their best to capture this dangerous person as soon as possible. Since all victims were still at school, the police left no stone unturned, interrogating every school student for long hours, leading to a day off for all students and teachers. No one were suspected, but the police couldn't allow themselves to fail for one more time.
One day, we were discussing the killer when a woman came to the station. It was Ben's mother. While cleaning her son's bedroom, she found a working camera inside his room. This camera was stolen from his classmate so the parents had no idea of this. We checked that camera and it captured Ben being murdered by the serial killer. It was actually a teenager. He wore a black suit and wore a mask, dressing himself like a Grim Reaper. The mask only covered the face but not hair. I quickly recognized it. It was Tyler - one of William's friends. But why did he do that? My son always told me he was nice.
Without delay, we rushed to Tyler's home. Sarah came out and greeted us. We told her what her son had been doing the whole time. At first, she didn't accept this, even saying we were making things up. But when we showed her the evidence along with the footage, she went silent and later burst into tear: "I found out about this when I was doing the laundry. There were strange black clothes and there was blood on it. My son expressed this to me and wanted me to cover this. He never told me why but I didn't want to see him in jail. I even thought that my son would kill me if I told the truth so I remained silent until now."
Sarah was then brought to the station. Some of my colleagues and I were ordered to capture Tyler. Wanted posters were hung around the town in search of him. Some witnesses claimed to have seen him run into the forest, so we approached the forest in large numbers, making sure he could not go any further. We separated to find him. I kept looking around the forest until I went to an empty yard. Tyler suddenly appeared in the black suit and mask, with his gun in his hand.
"Tyler! I know it is you. You are under arrest for murder. Drop your weapon and put your hands at where I can see them"
"Heh, how intelligent of you to find out about me, mister. But you don't know how much I have gone through."
"No matter what happens, crime is still a crime"
"You still don't understand, do you? I was once a victim of bullying. Those bullies were so harsh to me that I had to move to a new school. But bullying still existed there but was much worse than before. Do you still remember when a teenager committed a suicide for unclear reasons? I witnessed everything. He was bullied. I told the teacher about this and he responded by doing NOTHING. He is a teacher, how come he ignored that situation. Yes, I killed all of them, even the teacher after that poor guy died. I am doing this for a better society."
"Violence is never the answer to peace, you have to -"
"It is always the answer! Using peace to solve peace is so outdated in this horrible generation"
"Why not? We can still choose to be better. You have to resign to this reality: You are never a hero, you are just a serial killer who wants vengeance"
"You leave me no choice"
Tyler aimed the gun at me, he was about to shoot. Suddenly someone appeared. It was Finn
"Who are you? Go away or I will kill you" said Tyler
"Give up already, that gun has no ammo" said Finn, dropping the ammo from his hand.
Tyler was confused. He checked the gun but the bullets were still inside. Taking advantage of this distraction, Finn rush towards Tyler and took away his gun and shot at the sky, alerting the police, and ultimately, Tyler was captured.
We were amazed by Finn's action, but some raised questions about where Finn got those bullets from. He smiled and brought us to a storehouse hidden in the woods. Inside, we saw many weapons soon confirmed to be tools used for murder.
"I've just discovered this while jogging in the forest. When the wanted posters are released, I immediately know this storehouse belonged to the murderer. I also know that you guy are in search of him and he is in the forest. The deadliest weapons are guns, so I took some bullets so I could distract him from thinking his gun didn't have any bullets left."
Everyone praised Finn. Our captain Carlsen after knowing the entire story decided to reinstate his position. Tyler, despite being a teenager, was given a life-sentence imprisonment, and his mother, Sarah was only imprisoned 20 years for protecting the killer. After this, many schools made strict rules concerning bullying to prevent another horrifying event from happening. The peace was restored. One of the long cases of this town, named "Grim of the schools" was officially closed.

Now, I have retired, but the case still does an impression on me, same for William. We hope that nothing like this will ever happen again. It is a few minutes later that we hear Albert say: "You dare bully my friend? I will destroy you". We get goosebumps and run outside to see what s happening. They are just roleplaying. We are relieved and laugh together.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15404  
Nov 25, 2024   #2
The dialogue is wooden in nature. It is not natural sounding nor does it come across as everyday discussion representations, which narrative stories are expected to do. You may want to familiarize yourself with the everyday tone of English communication before you try to write a narrative with dialogue in it. Since you are just doing this as a hobby, I urge you to read the English greats like Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Bronte, and, from more recent times, JK Rowling. Your writing is actually confused because you have to decide what era of writing you want to use. Will it be historical or modern? Your words / vocabulary choices make the overall narrative uncomfortable to read.


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