Friendship with work mates - ielts task 2

Some people think a job not only provides income but also a social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

relationship with co-workers

There are thousands of choices when it comes to socializing. While I understand why it is good to make friends at workplace, personally I strongly believe that more friends at work is a bad idea because of the distraction from work and the decrease in productivity.

On the one hand, making friends at work can beneficial as there are more support at workplace. Since friends always lend us a hand during the hard days, work may be completed better. Take me as an example; I was a waitress in a small restaurant and fortunately, I was close to a waiter called Mark. One day, as I had a sudden work from my family, I had to asked him for changing hours and he agreed without hesitation. As a result, I did not have to hear complaints from my boss. The aboved story illustrates that friends can help each other at work.

On the other hand, I argue that relationship with co-workers can be heavily distracted and affect negatively on productivity. We are usually full of energy when friends are nearby, leading to neglect from work. For instance, my sister worked in a comestic store with her best friend. All days, they chatted, cheated each other,... that made consumers feel annoyed and inconvenient. As a consequence, the sale of the shop decreased by 10% compared to last month. Therefore, both were fired as they were main culprit of making the productivity drop sharply.

In conclusion, although it is great to have a friend to work with, I would rather not involve in friendships with my work mates.

Hi Ngann,

I think that your essay can you use more clarity and your transitions between each paragraph should be more formal. For example, in your introduction you should consider rephrasing it to say: The workplace is a formal environment that sets boundaries on behavior and the manner in which people connect to each other. Many of the interactions that take place at work are predictable and reserved. Although informal, close relationships may happen, the requirements and expectations of being productive and decreasing distraction at work are likely to strain these bonds. Therefore, I believe that the best way to develop a healthy, varied social life is to meet people outside of work.

Paragraph 1 focus: The importance of collaborative relationships at work that are goal-oriented and efficient.
You can introduce your story about Mark, how him covering your shift allowed the restaurant to stay open and have a great day of business. Also explain that switching shifts with Mark, (not him taking your shift but you not returning the favor) was the expected professional and polite reaction that take places in the restaurant industry. Agreeing to switch shifts shows that Mark is a team player, sympathetic towards his coworkers, and cares about the success of his workplace.

Paragraph 2 focus: Relationships at work are distracting and inappropriate.
You do not have to mention your sister. You can instead say, "in some workplaces, such as retail, socializing can decrease productivity. For example, retail employees must be attentive to customer needs; shoppers may find it inappropriate to see coworkers socializing excessively instead of assisting them within the store." Also, personal relationship issues can cause unexpected consequences or repercussions when disagreements spillover into work.

Conclusion - Please be formal here, restating the introduction.

I hope that this is helpful! I usually find that when I use transitional phrases (on the other hand; in conclusion) excessively, it takes away from my writing. When I read your draft, the first thing I noticed was that the transition phrases were unnecessary. Making your opening statements more coherent should be the main focus and once you do that you can add in transitions conservatively. For example, in the second body paragraph you could remove "On the other hand" and start with "I". Spelling and punctuation should also be double-checked.

@Ngann
Hello there.

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find the feedbacks your receive here to be beneficial for your writing endeavors. Please do keep coming back to us for more.

First and foremost, I think your writing skills are sufficient in displaying the fundamental necessary aspects of writing. I recommend only making concise certain portions to enable you to have a firmer grip over the tone of language. For instance, the second sentence of the first paragraph could be improved by omitting some portions.

I also agree with the prior comment regarding the excessive usage of particular language portions. If you can omit these unnecessary portions, you'll have more space for substantive discussions in the latter portions of your essay.

Best of luck as always!