Gadget or electronic media are important but they also harm our direct comunication

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - NEGATIVE EFFECT OF ELECTRONIC MEDIA

I would be so grateful for ur feedback!

Gadget or electronic media whose important function to help people works in daily, as opposite has some disadvantages on the way we communicate directly. In my opinion, I agree that gadget can bring us into some interpersonal relation problem. However, the exceeds of using gadget will restrict people from take a relax time over their job.

People sometimes say, electronic media such as Tv, radio, smartphone, and laptop is necessary for communication purpose and doing everyday tasks easily and effectively. Especially smartphone and laptop which connected to internet are two essential equipment for people's errands nowadays. For example, when in work, people received and sent more than ten emails related their business. They transferred to do list, progress presentation, and project draft to other colleagues by using internet. However, email tends to be the most conventional way, because nowadays people has invented much more platform to boost either their company or organization's performances. People consider storing their documents in Gdrive or Dropbox, arranging short and long terms goals on Trello, or having a long-distance meeting through Skype.

On the other hand, electronic media causes several negative impacts to social interaction as well. Even it help us to check our errands to be done, we forced into a situation where we have unlimited time to deal with our business. It would carry us to overwhelmed work everyday, furthermore we forgot to sit back and relax with friend and family either. In addition, people who depends too much on virtual communication instead of face to face meeting, will turn to socially awkward when jumped into real conversation. We can see this in daily life, we met one or some persons and all of us more often than not checked messages or facebook notification during the meeting.

All in all, I believe that electronic media is very useful to make us more productive in work either keep in touch with family, friends, and officemates. However, I think if we spent too much times to look into our gadget screen, it will take us out of warmth and intense real moment with people we love and ourselves as well

Gadget or electronic media whose important function to help people works in daily,
Gadget or electronic media which has important function to help people's daily works

has some disadvantages on the way we communicate directly.
you should write a subject in this sentence
it has some disadvantages....

People sometimes say,that electronic media such as ...
i think using that is better to avoid confusing

smartphone and laptop which connected to internet are ...

For example, when in work, people received and sent send more than ten emails ...

it helps us to check our errands to be done

Hi daya,

- Gadget or electronic media whosehas an important function to help people works in dailyin their daily works
- People sometimes sayMost of people believe that electronic media such as Tvtelevision(it is better not to abridge words when you write) , radio, smartphone, and laptop isare necessary for communication purpose and doingto do dailyeveryday tasks easily and effectively.

- Especially smartphone and laptop which is connected to internet
- For example, when in workin the work place , people received (...) ten emails related to their business.

Hopefully it helps.

... bring us into some interpersonal relation problems . (some > plural )
... which connected to internet are two essential equipments
Even it helps us to check our errands to be done
In addition, people who depends too much (the subject is people > plural)
... in touch with family, friends, and officemates. (either --- or )