Can someone please correct my significant problems with verb forms as well as comma splices, sentence structure, and so on.
I really need grammar check >.<
Gay, lesbian, bisexual people are treated like different mankind in different families. The way they are treated by their parents and taught by their parents can affect their future personalities and social intercourse. Although homosexuals try to strive for equality in America, they are still far from success in most of the states. Thesis: Before the gay teens are instilling properly into society, nothing is more significant than providing the best growing environment to make them feel comfortable in a society which defines homosexuality as a taboo. However, there are lots of people forbidden them to admit their sexual orientation, whereby causing a negative psyche which affects them to have numerous problems in different ways, such problems have caused gay teens of treating differently in society and family. In family, pregnancy is an extraordinarily important step to structure a household; however, can you imagine that gay youth have higher pregnancy rates than straight youth? "In 1992, 1998 and 2003, researchers found that 10.6 percent of bisexual girls and 7.3 percent of lesbians became pregnant. That compares to just 1.8 percent of heterosexual girls." (Study: Virginity pledges don't work) This result surprises me. Why do homosexuals have sex with the opposite gender if they like same-sex people? Elizabeth from article - "Study: Virginity pledges don't work" says that these results are linked to higher rates of discrimination and harassment among LGB teens at school. I think it is also because homosexuality is forbidden in society, and they are afraid of being despised by other straight peers, that is why "lesbian and gay people see themselves as vulnerable." (Harries, Cole)
Who are the protagonists of injuring the gay teens' fragile hearts? The answer is their parents. "Gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers with unaccepting parents are more likely to have negative mental health outcomes. That's the conclusion of a survey of 224 white and Latino men and women, ages 21 to 25." (Study: Virginity pledges don't work) Nowadays, parents are often in the form of one man and one woman, and most people's beliefs in America are Christianity and Catholicism, so homosexual youth are rejected by their families as they are "8.4 times more likely to report having attempted suicide, 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression, 3.4 times more likely to use illegal drugs and 3.4 times more likely to report having engaged in unprotected sexual intercourse compared to those who had 'no or low levels of family rejection.'" (Study: Virginity pledges don't work)
I am thinking that they or their families might try to change their gender identity in different ways because they want to melt into the "normal" society. According to a research I have read before, "hereditary weakness or taintedness in the family pedigree, degeneracy was called upon as a causal explanation for perversions of the sexual instinct. Karl Ulrichs' proposal that homosexuality could be innate and probably located in the brain," (Money) so sexual orientation is mostly instinctive and rarely an acquired character. Withal the interview I have done earlier with my friend, Sharron, she discovers that she is more interested in girls than boys when she was in third grade. In my opinion, no ways that any children's sexual orientation can be changed in such age except it is instinctive. She claims that her family tries to change her sexual orientation, but it does not work and she says "I cannot help. I have born this way from my mother." "We saw that in so many cases, families and caregiver thought what they were doing would help their children have a better life, fit in, belong and be accepted by others. They'd try to change their gender identity, forbid them from spending time with a gay friend, not let them have access to information about what it's like to be a gay, lesbian or bisexual person." (Harries, Cole) What they are doing is bad for their health because they always have a mind of forbidding themselves to do what they naturally want to do, and they are bearing the pressure from their families, too. Therefore, families should emphasize how much they care about their sons and daughters" (Study: Virginity pledges don't work) instead of trying to change their innate sexual preference.
Can same-sex parents adopt kids? Not in most of the states. For example, "Attorneys representing Florida had argued that gay men and lesbian women suffered from higher rates of substance abuse, were in less stable relationships and that their children were stigmatized." (The aftermath of California's Prop 8) I think this is so unfair because people cannot justify the others' sexual orientation as a predictor of a person's ability to become a parent because "Gill sued and a trial court judge agreed, ruling there was no evidence that gays and lesbians were less fit to parent than heir straight peers," and Sharron also says that straight parents do not only raise straight children. Moreover, "There is no dispute that children raised by gay parents fare just as well or better than children raised by straight parents." (The aftermath of California's Prop 8) Then why do not they pass through the Proposition 8 if they say gay parents and straight parents both can raise the same children?
In the case of Proposition 8, "The primary argument advanced by Prop 8 supporters was that providing access to marriage for gay couples would reduce the rights available to others." (Feldblum) Unfairness does not exist neither on gay couple nor straight couple because Proposition 8 will not take away any rights for gay and lesbian domestic partners. Whereas "under California law, 'domestic partners shall have the same rights, protections, and benefits' as married spouses,'" they do not have extra or less rights than straight couples. (Feldblum) Nevertheless, supporters claim that "parents, particularly religious parents, would be harmed when schools started to teach their young children that homosexuality was morally fine." (Feldblum) Religious parents often teach their children at home that same-sex marriages are immoral, they have twisted the fact and forced people to abide by their restrictions.
On the other hand, "Two sets of parents brought the case, David and Tonia Parker and Rob and Robin Wirthlin. The Parker's son Jacob had brought home from his public school kindergarten a Diversity Book Bag that included the book Who's in a Family? The book had pictures of different families, including interracial families, a family without children, a family with two moms, and another with two dads. In its final page, the book answered the question, "who's in a family?" with "the people who love you the most!" The Wirthlin's son, Joey had came home from his public school second grade, talking about a picture book his teacher had read out loud that day, King and King. It's about a prince who is ordered by his mother to get married but who keeps rejecting the princess he meets. Finally, he finds his true love - another prince!" (Feldblum) As a result, "The parents sued, claiming their federal constitutional rights to raise their children as they wished and to practice their religion were being violated. The parents lost. The court found it difficult to perceive a real burden on the parents in light of the fact that the parents could continue to teach their children at home that same-sex marriages were immoral." (Feldblum) Rob and robin Wirthlin become saying "Yes on 8" on the California TV scene and they explain how "after Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage, their son heard from the school how boys can marry other boys. 'He's only in second grade!'" (Feldblum)
Thereafter, "What does the right of gay couples in California to access civil marriage have to do with Robin's ability to teach her son Joey that gay marriage is wrong? Nothing. What does a change in society's views generally say about how gay people should be treated in society, including with regard to marriage, have to do with Joey learning something about gay people in public school that his mother might not agree with? Everything." (Feldblum) In my opinion, Robin is a very selfish parent. She is only teaching her own attitude to Joey but not the attitude from society. Her teaching might also cause an aberrant idea about homosexuality. While Robin is trying to sue the school, I am glad that she loses because "public schools are an important vehicle for transmitting societal values to our children, including values of non-discrimination." (Feldblum) Again, discrimination causes the gay youth have higher rate of pregnancy. But sometimes, "once society determines that discrimination on the basis of some category (race, religion, sexual orientation) is wrong, we expect our society to convey that norm in various ways." (Harries, Cole) Public school, a societal epitome, has to decide the correct way to provide the best education.
Evolving Thesis: The views of our society about gay people and gay couples are changing these days; therefore, new norms will arise and will appropriately be reflected in our schools. "Diversity programs in public and private schools across the country, including programs that teach respect for gat people. Rather, they have been the natural outcome of a new long overdue norm of nondiscrimination on the basis of sexual orientation that is beginning to take hold in our society." (Feldblum) Schools and parents can always encourage their students and children to admit and accept their innate sexual orientation. In short, "it is a good thing that the social mores of our country are changing in ways that support the ability of gay people, gay couples, and families headed by gay couples to live openly and honestly in society." (Harries, Cole)
Here are some revisions and suggestions to get you started:
"Gay, lesbian, bisexual people are treated like different mankind in different families." Do you mean to say that "Gay, lesbian, bisexual people are treated differently in different families." or that "Gay, lesbian, bisexual people are treated differently from straight people by their families." Either alternative is better than the original phrasing, though they say different things.
"Although homosexuals try to strive for equality in America, they are still far from achieving success in most of the states."
"Thesis: " You don't usually label this.
"Before the gay teens are instilling properly into society," This does not make sense. Revise.
"there are lots ofMany people forbidden them are afraid to admit their sexual orientation. This can cause , whereby causing a negative psychological effectswhich affects them to have numerous problems in different ways, such problems have caused gay teens of treating differently in society and family."
Get rid of phrases such as "I am thinking that" and "in my opinion"
