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"gender equality should not be the concern" equal numbers of male and female students


mark83 1 / -  
Sep 9, 2011   #1
IELTS: Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In ancient time, men were considered to be more superior than women. This was because they were the sole provider or breadwinner. They worked and earned for their family's living. Most of the time, women would stay at home and took care of their children. The situation has been different in this modern era. Gender equality has become the emphasis. There are lady bosses, female professors, female doctors and female engineers. The number of female students in universities has also outnumbered the number of male students. There is suggestion that universities should equalise the numbers of male and female students in every subject offered by the universities. I totally disagree with the suggestion.

Admission into universities should be solely based on meritocracy. This is to enhance the quality of education provided by the universities. Therefore, if there are more female students in the universities, it means that the female students have better academic results and performance than the male students. This explains the existance of gender gap. If a university tries to balance the ratio of male and female students, it has to accept students who do not meet the requirements of the course. This action will affect the quality that is practised by the university.

Students' interest should also be taken into consideration when allocating the courses. A student might be given the course that he or she is not interested if a university is trying to achieve gender equality. This might cause the student not doing well in his or her studies. Choice of courses based on one's preference is limited in that sense. Besides that, course suitability is also important. Some courses are designed specifically to cater the demand of a certain gender. For example, there are more male students enroll in technical courses such as engineering and information technology. As for the female students, most of them will take up courses like commerce, hospitality and fashion design. This contribute to a gender gap in the courses that they have enrolled.

As a conclusion, I strongly believe that gender equality should not be the main concern when admitting students into any universities. Instead, students' academic achievement and performance should be taken into account during the enrollment process. This is to ensure universities to produce more quality graduates that can contribute to the society and nation in the future.

P/S: Please rate the essay that I have written above on the IELTS essay topic.
CarrieC92 6 / 16  
Sep 14, 2011   #2
I have a few tips for you from reading your essay. In my experience, having a range of different type of sentences makes a better essay. There are simple sentences, and then there are complex sentences. In my opinion, throwing in a variety of different sentence structures makes an essay flow better because there are less "stops" where the periods are. For example in your first paragraph, you say

In ancient time, men were considered to be more superior than women. This was because they were the sole provider or breadwinner.

You can meld these two sentences together to convey your two points into a single sentence, thus "In ancient times, men were considered to be superior to women due to the fact that they were the solve provider or breadwinner."

Also you have some parts that sound slightly awkward, for example as quoted about "more superior". I think just saying superior would suffice. Check up on your grammar, for example using consistent past tense/present tense. Be sure to proofread your essays!

There are lady bosses, female professors, female doctors and female engineers.

This sentence also came off a bit awkward for me. "lady bosses" sounds informal. Also you want to be consistent when using lists in sentences. You use female for the other three professions but not for bosses. To make the sentence less awkward, maybe try saying just "female professors, doctors, and engineers".

This is just the advice I have for you so far, go back, reread and don't be afraid to edit! :)


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