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'A girl living with four younger siblings' - Who Am I



Diamond2012 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2011   #1
Me

I am a 17-year-old girl, living with four younger siblings. My mom is a single parent; she is my mother, my father, and the person who made me who I am today. I value love, honesty, kindness, and family. I relish sports such as track, soccer, volleyball, and kung fu. I enjoy draw and mingle with new people. The one true thing I know about myself is that I have a passion for animals, one of my main purposes in life is to become a veterinary and I will accomplish it. These are hard and true facts, but there is a lot I still do not know about myself to this day. I do not know how I feel about death. I do not know what to say when people ask me whats wrong other then, "I do not know". I animosity expressing myself to people about how I feel. I sometimes have a hard time speaking my mind to certain people. It is hard for me to give a straight answer of who I am and my purpose in life. My identity unfolds more and more everyday as my experiences flourish. Since I am 17 years old, life has a lot of unfolding to do. I abhorrence saying, "I am trying to figure out who I am" because my identity is not lost, it is just needs more uncovering. Luckily, for me, what I love to do help me uncover more about myself. I adore writing, I will always write. I adore writing what made me blithe that day or writing what made me irritable because writing is my, self-reflection.

When I am writing it makes me sometimes irritable or blithe. Writing is something I do to help me express how I really feel without hurting anybody. There are times when I get worked up. I just let the thought from my mind be released through writing. For me, writing helps me figure out who I am and try to find my place in life for the future, I can express myself anyway I want and nobody can say anything.

Every time that I write, I learn more about myself. Each time I write what is on my mind as honestly as I can; another piece of my identity is revealed. I am not apprehensive that I do not know everything about myself. As I got older, ill figure it out.

denofthieves 2 / 6  
Nov 20, 2011   #2
A couple grammatical changes:
I enjoy draw and mingle (drawing and mingling ) with new people.
I do not know what to say when people ask me whats(what's) wrong other then, "I do not know".
I animosity(animosity is a noun. you need a verb. Use dislike, hate, or something similar. expressing myself to people about how I
I abhorrence(abhor) saying, "I am trying to figure out who I am" because my identity is not lost, (use a semicolon or punctuate and make these two separate sentences) it is just needs more uncovering. Luckily, for me, what I love to do help me uncover more about myself. I adore writing, (either punctuate and make these two separate sentences or use a semicolon.) I will always write.

I adore writing what made me blithe that day or writing what made me irritable because writing is my, self-reflection.
When I am writing it makes me sometimes irritable or blithe
(In both cases blithe is not an appropriate word. Use another. )

As I got older, ill figure it out. ("As I get older, I'll figure it out." instead )


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