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Given pie charts compare the number of inhabitants in Yemen and Italy in 2000

ayuriska 7 / 13 1  
Jan 13, 2017   #1
The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

comparison of the italian and yemeni population

Given are pie charts comparing the number of inhabitants in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and their forecasting in a half century later. It is noticeable that, the adolescence and middle-aged population will increase in both of countries.

In 2000, at 46,3% of Yemen dwellers was dominated by 15-59 years group, predicted to grow exponentially in 2015, reaching at 57,3%. Conversely, having a half of percentage, the number of pupils is likely to fall at 37% later. However a slight changes of elderly population will be occurred, with just a mere 2,1% increment.

On the other hand, the majority of Italian society in 2000 was 15-59 years group, accounting at 61,6%, yet, it will be forecasted to drop at 46,2%. Surprisingly, compared with Yemen, children population in Italian just recorded three times smaller in 2000, with a steady decrease will be experienced in 2050 at 11,5%. However, just one of four citizens was the older group and will be predicted approximately twice greater, standing at 42,3%, as the second biggest population in the future.

jaikrishna 5 / 7 1  
Jan 13, 2017   #2

Introduction paragraph is not appropriate. the adolescence and middle-aged population will increase in both of countries. these points should come at the end.

Given areP ie charts are comparing the number of inhabitants

at 46,3%

with just a mere 2,1% increment. = merely incremented to 2.1%
krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Jan 14, 2017   #3
That is definitely not a good overview. It would be better to make a clear overview, to show the examiner that you are able to identify the most important information from the graph.

reaching 57,3%. - without "at"

slight changes in the elderly - remove the "a" and add "the"

accounting for 61,6% - not account to

forecasted to drop to 46,2%

Overall, everything looks good, except for the Overview.
bellajane 1 / 3  
Jan 17, 2017   #4
In my opinion, your introduction is not really good. 'Given are pie charts', you should use the phrase ' the given pie charts compare ...'. Both of THE countries is more correct.

In the second paragraph, saw a slight change ( with no 's')
Other mistakes were corrected by other people.
ah, one more thing to say: Cohesion in your essay is quite good. Keep up your work! Just practice!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4800  
Feb 2, 2017   #5
Ayu, why are you indicating the information in the essay based upon thousands of percent when he chart is only introducing it in tenths of a percent? The drawing indicates a period, not a comma in the presentation of percentage points. As you know, accuracy in presenting the information provided is of the utmost importance in this essay. So when you make such a serious mistake in the presentation of the information, you will automatically fail the test, regardless of the efficiency of the other aspects of the band score. Wrong information provided results in a wrong summary report, such as in this case. You need to learn to be more careful, analytical, and accurate in your information presentation. Always double check the data you are presenting against the illustration provided. Otherwise, you find yourself making serious errors such as the one you made above.

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