Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 9

The pie charts compare the percentages of different age groups in the population of Yemen and Italy,


tyler1234 3 / 10 2  
May 6, 2016   #1
The pie charts compare the percentages of different age groups in the population of Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and expectations for 2050.
Children of ages 0-14 accounted for the majority of Yemen's population (approximately 50.1 per cent) in 2000, but their percentage is predicted to fall to 37 per cent by 2050. Surprisingly, this age group made up only a small proportion of Italy's population (about 14.3 per cent) and is expected decline by 2.8 per cent the end of the period in question.

The following age group of people, aged 15 to 59 years, accounted for nearly half of Yemen's population, and they are believed to have a major increase at the end of fifty years. In contrast, the percentage for the same group is expected to decrease dramatically (by nearly 15 per cent) in Italy.

Elderly people, who are over sixty or older, had the lowest percentage in Yemen and are to have a subtle increase, whereas in Italy they are going to grow from roughly a quarter to nearly a half of population.

To sum up, it is clear from the charts that Yemen are going to have more adults in 2050 and Italy is projected to have fewer children.

Js1998 1 / 1 1  
May 6, 2016   #2
It must be 'compares' and 'percent'
I think this sentence is quite confusing : decline by 2.8 per cent the end of the period in question.
OP tyler1234 3 / 10 2  
May 6, 2016   #3
is expected to decline by 2.8 per cent by the end of the period in question. Sorry, they were typos
OP tyler1234 3 / 10 2  
May 6, 2016   #4
Here's the image



NourNour 22 / 39 7  
May 6, 2016   #5
1. and it is expected to decline by 2.8 percent by the end of the period in question.
2. The following age group of people, aged 15 to 59 years -------> Those aged 15-59 were accounted
NourNour 22 / 39 7  
May 6, 2016   #6
There is another remark I forget to mention it in my previous comment
3. Elderly people, who are over sixty or older.

good luck :)
tria25 12 / 19 4  
May 10, 2016   #7
hello Tyler, please allow me to give you some advice.

first, please put an overview in your introduction paragraph since yours is only consist of issue.

it is better if you make a space to separate your paragraph to ease readers identify which one is paragraph 1, 2, or 3.

regarding to the tenses, you should use past tense when describing the data in 2000 and use future tense in presenting the information in 2050.

please put the interesting data in the second body paragraph

warm regard
akmalnov 3 / 6  
May 15, 2016   #8
Hi fellas,

I wondering if there mentioning prediction year on you essay. In this case, you should use future tense to informs the reader. For example:

- but their percentage iswill predicted to fall to 37 per cent byin 2050
- it is clear from the charts that Yemen are going towill have more adults in 2050

I hope you take that as an advantages due to my little assistance to enhance your better skill in writing ;)
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 15, 2016   #9
Hy, Tyler.

The first part should present the introduction obviously. There are two parts of introduction:
1. What the graph show. It have to answer the question of the type of graph, data, measurement unit, and period of time. You can paraphrase the question of the task.

2. Overview present the general trend of the chart. I can't found it in this writing task.


Home / Writing Feedback / The pie charts compare the percentages of different age groups in the population of Yemen and Italy,