Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Glamour celebrities or grey commoners on television, radio or newspapers?



Dioba 68 / 97  
Nov 29, 2016   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience


Nowadays, the daily lives and relationships of famous people such as artists and sport man are become news focus by the media while they should more spreading news of commoner life. Personally, I tremendously agree with the statement. There are several reasons to encourage my point of view.

To begin, certain celebrities have glamour life bad lifestyle. They also become the centre of public attention without exception young generation which really easy is affected by bad habits of celebrities. They are unaware about the consequence if they follow celebrity habits as a role model. For illustrate, many cases about Indonesian artists which involve in drug case and live in jail as the consequence. For the result, the career of the artists will be disappear and their life worse in advance. Furthermore, hedonism lifestyle of celebrities causes adults more consumptive only for following the style of their idol and celebrities also causes adverse effects of their relationships which media used as a gossip and an entertainment for public.

However, the media should be airing news about unknown people which have achievement and beneficial for their society. Many commoners give advantages for their environment such as a doctor which gives healthcare free for poor people and a farmer discover new method for irrigation which the media no pay attention to their dedication. For example, an aircraft pilot in Nusa Tenggara Barat, Indonesia, which invest all of his salary in orphan house and he take care more than 100 juveniles and toddlers life. Not only he nurtures the children, but also to teach and he pays full attention to them. As a result, in 2016 he got an award from international social organization because of his amazing dedication for society.

Taking everything into consideration, reporting about common people lives should be become the centre of media attention rather than useless information about artist lives and relationships. In the other side, focus on common people lives gives widespread inspiration for society.

akbarmappiare 31 / 445  
Nov 29, 2016   #2
Hi Mister Dioba..
These are my thoughts towards your essay, but I only focus on your contents.


There are several reasons to encourage my point of view.

Actually, this can be categorized as the overview. However, if you wanna achieve a higher score, you should mention your reasons briefly to show general description what you are gonna review in the body paragraph. One or two words are used to inform your opinion.

For illustrate, many cases about Indonesian artists ...

You should focus on effects what will happen if the media concentrate on the life of artists such children will be easy to duplicate their behavior. There was a tendency that you explained some conditions of their life.

Turning to the second body paragraph, you are supposed to explain reasons what positive aspects present if the media broadcasts more about the usual people. However, you tended to display rewards got by people. You showed dedication for public, whereas the prompts asked you to give reason why their history is supposed to be appeared.

He got an award from international ...

Taking everything into consideration

Avoid odd words to point out you wrote the conclusion. It is sufficient to write " In conclusion/ to conclude/ to sum up".
Beauty17 56 / 79  
Nov 29, 2016   #3
Hallo dioba.. i want to give you some suggestion..

There are several reasons to encourage my point of view. You are able to put your reason why you agree toward this notion here. It will be better and can increase your score in this section.. However, in another part, you already success to paraphrase the question by using some sophisticated words.

... attention without exception FOR young generation which really easy is affectedINFLUENCEby bad habits of celebrities. They are unaware about the consequence if they follow celebrity ...

... live in jail as the consequence . For the result, the career of the artists will be disappear ...

GOOD LUCK!


Home / Writing Feedback / Glamour celebrities or grey commoners on television, radio or newspapers?
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳