Consumption of the world's resources
It is true that global resources are consumed dramatically increasingly. While there are several reasons why this is the case, I believe that we can do more things to cope with it.
Two reasons can explain why it is a significant rise in the usage of resources of the Earth. First of all, the universal population rocket in the past few years. That means one person can receive a specific amount of sources before, but right now these should be divided and provided for more people. The second point is the waste of natural resources. I had ever seen an America situational drama about people consume plenty of food, but lots of students still do not have enough food for their lunch.
In spite of these reasons, there are some strategies people can do to minimize the problem. Obviously, more and more people tend to drive whatever they go. This wastes lots of oil resources. Therefore, people can reduce the frequency of driving and take public transportation. Another strategy is recycling. Recycling makes us reuse the same thing and cherish our resources. Finally, do not waste food is the easiest and most common option. In Taiwan, some ugly food or just a little damaged food will be thrown away because nobody buys them. Even ugly fruits and vegetables can be utilized in any meal, so everyone should cherish food resource.
In conclusion, though resources are spectacularly reducing and lots of reasons lead to this issue, there are still plenty of things we can do to avoid and reduce the consequences.
You can enhance your introduction. Consider tackling why there has been a drastic increase in the consumption of resources. Discuss briefly the factors that has affected this. I know that you mentioned it in your second paragraph.
To avoid redundancies, simply paraphrase your second paragraph's introduction to something similar to this:
These aforementioned reasons have resulted to a consistent need to tackle the potential consequences. The [mention x average amount of global population increase] over the past [mention x number of years that you have measured] has to be expounded upon.
This format for your narrative does two things clearly: it avoids redundant language from repetitively mentioning similar words from your first paragraph, and it strengthens your essay through making sure that you have data to back-up your claims better. This will improve the quality of your essay.
I would also suggest applying the same structure to your third paragraph.
Watch out for grammatical mistakes. Take, for instance, the last sentence of the second paragraph: it is unclear what you mean by "I had ever seen" because of the wrong phrasing. To minimize these issues, I suggest that you reread your essay out loud to determine portions that sound inorganic and/or unnatural to the tongue. If it does not flow well, then there should be something wrong.
Lastly, I suggest that you paraphrase your last paragraph. The structure can be dragging to readers. Divide that chunk of sentence into two separate thought bubbles.
Best of luck.
Thank you so much. However, I am still confused about how to rewrite. Another review from a Contributor = thread must be Urgent.
This is my introduction. Is it better??
It is true that global resources are consumed dramatically increasingly. While there are several reasons influencing this big issue, we will discuss with overpopulation and wasting resources, and I believe that we can do more things to cope with it.
in my opinion, i suggest you divide 2 measures to solve this problem in your body of the essay
in each paragraph in the body, the first sentence will be a topic sentence which you give solution and then you paraphrase. After that, you should give an real instance in somewhere and finally a conclusion sentence.
i often do that and it's quite persuadable.
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