Advantages and Disadvantages of studying overseas
Nowadays, going abroad for studying has been more and more popular to Vietnamese students. This controversial issue has taken a strong influence to students and even their family, in both positive and negative ways.
On the positive side, study abroad is a wonderful chance to broaden your mind and harden yourself. You will be able to experience the new styles of education and cultures when you go to a foreign country. It will be not only awesome to learn in a different environment but also excited to explore that country. You can know about its traditional food, clothes, crafts and practice languages by speaking to the native speakers.A further advantage of studying overseas is personal development. Usually, you will have to live by your own and work part time to get money to afford courses as well as living expense. Consequently, after dealing with all of these problems, you will be more mature and independent.
On the negative side, there are three main drawbacks of studying overseas : time, money and health. It is undeniable that this way of studying cost too much. Unless you have a full scholarship , your parents will try to do everything to get enough money for you to go for overseas studying. Many of them don't consider the right point of it and may lose too much money when their children can't put up with the situation anymore. In addition, you can also be extremely tired because of studying and working in a long time without eating methodically. This is bad for your health and also for your family who cares for you so much. It will take time to get used to the new styles and sometimes this causes shock, illness, etc.
In conclusion, studying abroad brings both advantages and disadvantages to students in Vietnam. Therefore, I suggest you and your family should think over before going to a foreign country with the aim of studying.
Hi there, I think your essay is quite good at word usages, grammar structures, and the connection between paragraph is clear enough to indicate your point of views. However, I have some opinions toward your writing, and I hope it helps.
1/ We do not use "don't" in formal writing.
2/ I suggest to discuss more detail in your supporting idea rather than develop it into a short view. For example, in the second paragraph, you might consider explaining the topic sentence deeply: how to broaden your mind and harden yourself? And provide a specific example to demonstrate your idea precisely.
3/ You ought to avoid repeating words and search for more academic words to convey your thoughts appropriately. I think your writing contains informal tone and it makes you exceed word limited (you wrote 323 words) because you were using too many words to express an idea.
The essay is very good as it addresses all part of the question. Most ideas are given with some explanations and logically organized which is very great.
However, there are certainly some missteps there: you should use more complex sentences in your essay to boost your score up. Simple connecting words such as "while", "even though" can greatly improve your overall score.
There is also room for better vocabulary. The simple and non-academic words such as "bad" should be avoided. A sufficient range of vocabulary also helps you from repeating word in your writing.
This is my personal opinion, but I would suggest you not to use pronoun like "I, you" too much in your essay.