unhealthy fast food
sthey live in a large modern country where the time is precious to be spoiled out even for
ourtheir (the subject of the sentence is "they" so u need "their" here) health
In the following paragraphs I will explain some reasons of our new diet habits, while I will support my opinion and give some solution instead.
It would be better to briefly state the reasons (several words) to show what points are going to discuss in the following paragraphs.
therefore
hard workingworking hard ("Hard working" is an adjective for people who work hard)Life is going to be more complicated recently,
thereforehard workingworking hard is required to earn more money to get what
we think wepeople/we need,
therefore(two "therefore" in one row is not rational) we in large cities especially i...
HngreyHungrinesswont (
do not use contractions in an essay) wait us to finish our job, but we can get something fast to
let it down(a bit informal. Use another word such as "suppress")The most recent research
e s
saidhave revealed that our ...
instead of you can avoid
use passive sentences in writing and avoid using the words "I", "You" , etc.
...to finish their work
sAs the life developed, its requerements developed also, and a lot of employees going to travel from one place to another to finish their work. No time to cook in these circumstances and the fast food is the substituation.
This paragraph is too short with a week support. U can make it stronger by stating some jobs with similar situations. For instance, traders or inspectors should travel form one place to another one regularly.
On the other hand, both parents work in the same time nowadays which means hard time to enjoy cooking or even to eat together.
this paragraph is also short. In fact, this is just a topic sentence and I cannot call it a paragraph.
FoodIt is claimed
that food isto be a support for our bod
iesy ,
which improve the immune system against various infections and diseasesto help it to defeat against the disease and to be in a very good healthy built. We should not get involved in
the pollution(what do u mean? pollution is not used in this context. Search the word "Body pollution" to get my point) of our health,
Inat the same time we have to criticize and insist our government to build natural restu
a rants instead of any kind of bad unhealthy food ones. Health education is another sol
l ution that
our governem
e nt
s should
care about it,pay attention to, in addition to famil
y,education and how to manage our life properly to be in a good healthy way.(this sentence is not clear and has no support. Moreover, each paragraph should involve a conclusion at the end)In conclusion,
Before writing a clincher (ending statement) u should reword the topic or the first paragraph) we are going to live once so we must live it with healthy fit accompanied body.
Regards
Ahmad