I wrote this when one of my best friends took his own life recently. This is a personal essay and I wrote it when I found out to release some thoughts. Any thoughts on it would be helpful.
Nate Lessard
4/29/11
Life is tough, life has its hard times and its good times. The thing with life is everyone has their own approach but some just can't handle the pressure. If you asked any teenager or young adult, probably anyone that has had a rough time, they would tell you at one time they probably contemplated suicide. It's a tough thing to grasp, tough subject to bring up, but it happens every day. More measures should be taken to stop it but sometimes you just wouldn't ever expect it.
Two days ago my best friend, one of the most amazing people you would ever meet on this planet, decided to end his own life. After only 24 years of age, a few days after his birthday he died, young and still full of life. I can't tell you why he did it, but forever it will make myself ask the ifs. I know nothing I could have done probably could have stopped it but there's always that thought, that what if, that makes you wonder. The reasons for most of the suicides are unknown, even with that note saying why. You never will totally understand why and that's a hard thing to grasp, well at least in my case.
I write this as tears of morning pour out of my eyes, flooding my lap with sorrow but I'm doing this to help me cope and cypher through my thoughts, and maybe come up with a good thesis on why. Truth is there is not good explanation, there isn't a logical reason. As I relive those times we shared I have a smile but it can't stop the pain I feel. The hardest part is that reminder that there will be no more days with my best friend, none. I only have those memories. Memories I am going to have for the rest of my life nonetheless, but never will there be a new memory. And that is one of the hardest things for me to even try to comprehend. As I think about how bad I'm feeling and how much I wish I could rewind the time, there are so many other people feeling the same way, thinking the same thoughts, wondering if they could have changed this terrible outcome. Truth is it can't be changed. We can't rewind time but we will always have those memories. Bones was there when I got my first car, and he was in that car when it went the fastest after we put all that work into it. We were together when we got arrested drinking, he ran from the cops back and forth across Elm street and the cop and I laughed our asses off. He was even there for one of the most painful things that ever happened to me, when I got my jaw broken. Those memories can't be taken away from me and for that I have to thankful. The ones that we've lost can't be forgotten or they will have died in vain. I will never forget the times I've had with my friends that have passed, and their memories will forever live on in my heart.
This is dedicated to Ronald Cranshaw, one of the best people you would have ever met. I love you man you will be missed by many.
Nate Lessard
4/29/11
Life is tough, life has its hard times and its good times. The thing with life is everyone has their own approach but some just can't handle the pressure. If you asked any teenager or young adult, probably anyone that has had a rough time, they would tell you at one time they probably contemplated suicide. It's a tough thing to grasp, tough subject to bring up, but it happens every day. More measures should be taken to stop it but sometimes you just wouldn't ever expect it.
Two days ago my best friend, one of the most amazing people you would ever meet on this planet, decided to end his own life. After only 24 years of age, a few days after his birthday he died, young and still full of life. I can't tell you why he did it, but forever it will make myself ask the ifs. I know nothing I could have done probably could have stopped it but there's always that thought, that what if, that makes you wonder. The reasons for most of the suicides are unknown, even with that note saying why. You never will totally understand why and that's a hard thing to grasp, well at least in my case.
I write this as tears of morning pour out of my eyes, flooding my lap with sorrow but I'm doing this to help me cope and cypher through my thoughts, and maybe come up with a good thesis on why. Truth is there is not good explanation, there isn't a logical reason. As I relive those times we shared I have a smile but it can't stop the pain I feel. The hardest part is that reminder that there will be no more days with my best friend, none. I only have those memories. Memories I am going to have for the rest of my life nonetheless, but never will there be a new memory. And that is one of the hardest things for me to even try to comprehend. As I think about how bad I'm feeling and how much I wish I could rewind the time, there are so many other people feeling the same way, thinking the same thoughts, wondering if they could have changed this terrible outcome. Truth is it can't be changed. We can't rewind time but we will always have those memories. Bones was there when I got my first car, and he was in that car when it went the fastest after we put all that work into it. We were together when we got arrested drinking, he ran from the cops back and forth across Elm street and the cop and I laughed our asses off. He was even there for one of the most painful things that ever happened to me, when I got my jaw broken. Those memories can't be taken away from me and for that I have to thankful. The ones that we've lost can't be forgotten or they will have died in vain. I will never forget the times I've had with my friends that have passed, and their memories will forever live on in my heart.
This is dedicated to Ronald Cranshaw, one of the best people you would have ever met. I love you man you will be missed by many.
