Please revise my essay. I really want feedback to improve the writing skill
The question is that
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Grades (marks) encourage students to learn.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
I agree that students want to study to get a good grade. There are many incentives such as praise by teacher, a chance to apply for a famous university and getting a full scholarship. When considering these reasons, students will have a sound opportunity to bring about an educational success.
The main cause is that they will be respected and motivated by other people in the school. Many students who ace a high mark always have a chance to show up in front the classroom to demonstrate what factors lead to the success. Other students express congratulations, which make the knowledgeable students happy.
The second cause is they will be easily qualified by the popular university. This always happens today because the students who have a high mark are not anxious about this issue. They can prepare for the examination. Moreover, many universities such as Cambridge and Oxford universities set the minimum grade required for the admission; therefore, having a high means a prospect to be admitted into the popular university.
Finally, they will be likely to be selected as a candidate for scholarship. Many universities around the world have many scholarship funds for students living all over global. If they get a high grade of at least 3.0, they will be chosen as a possible applicant to get the scholarship. To illustrate, my friends who get a good grade at 3.1 are now applying for a scholarship fund to continue master degree in Spain. He said that you had to have a grade around 3.0. That is the reason why he decides to apply for a scholarship.
In conclusion, there are many reasons that motivate students to get a high grade. They want to be appraised by teacher, be admitted into the famous university and be cut out for the scholarship fund.