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Toefl Essay - To get a good grade is to encourage?


Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 5, 2009   #1
Please revise my essay. I really want feedback to improve the writing skill
Thank you

The question is that

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Grades (marks) encourage students to learn.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

I agree that students want to study to get a good grade. There are many incentives such as praise by teacher, a chance to apply for a famous university and getting a full scholarship. When considering these reasons, students will have a sound opportunity to bring about an educational success.

The main cause is that they will be respected and motivated by other people in the school. Many students who ace a high mark always have a chance to show up in front the classroom to demonstrate what factors lead to the success. Other students express congratulations, which make the knowledgeable students happy.

The second cause is they will be easily qualified by the popular university. This always happens today because the students who have a high mark are not anxious about this issue. They can prepare for the examination. Moreover, many universities such as Cambridge and Oxford universities set the minimum grade required for the admission; therefore, having a high means a prospect to be admitted into the popular university.

Finally, they will be likely to be selected as a candidate for scholarship. Many universities around the world have many scholarship funds for students living all over global. If they get a high grade of at least 3.0, they will be chosen as a possible applicant to get the scholarship. To illustrate, my friends who get a good grade at 3.1 are now applying for a scholarship fund to continue master degree in Spain. He said that you had to have a grade around 3.0. That is the reason why he decides to apply for a scholarship.

In conclusion, there are many reasons that motivate students to get a high grade. They want to be appraised by teacher, be admitted into the famous university and be cut out for the scholarship fund.

Mustafa1991 8 / 373 4  
Dec 5, 2009   #2
I agree that students want to study to get a good grade. There are many incentives such as praise by teacher, a chance to apply for a famous university and getting a full scholarship. When considering these reasons, students will have a sound opportunity to bring about an educational success.

Studying is not the same as learning. I have studied, memorized, regurgitated, and forgotten reams of information. Because in effect, you never refer to learning, your essay is penalized severely.
OP Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 5, 2009   #3
Thank for your feedback. It will improve my writing skill.

Anyway, practice makes perfect.
OP Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 5, 2009   #4
I have a question: How are the words "learn and study" different?
Could anyone tell me the answer.

I am in trouble writing an essay about these words.

Thank you
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 6, 2009   #5
You can study in order to learn, just like you practice in order to improve skill. The word study refers to the process of reading and memorizing stuff. The word learn refers to increasing knowledge.

You can learn without studying; for example, you can listen to what someone says and find out something about someone you know. When you hear what the person says, you learn something, but that is not really studying. Studying is what you do at your desk.

However, even though study usually refers to what you do at your desk, people also use it like the word "examine" sometimes:
He studied the painting on the wall.

To illustrate, my friends who get a good grade at 3.1 are now applying for a scholarship fund to continue master degree in Spain. He One of those people said that you...
OP Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 6, 2009   #6
Perhaps, i will write how to learn for a good grade.

Is it correct?


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