'What do you do for good health?' - TOEFL essay

Hi readers.

I am learning TOEFL iBT, and I get stuck in writing obstacle, Please help me overcome it.^^...I am really glad to receive your advice.

The writing below is the my practice in writing. Please feel free to read and correct it. Thank you, guys.

Topic: People do many different things to stay healthy. What do you do for good health? Use specific reasons and expamples to support your answer.

Nowadays, people recongized that health is an important thing that they need to increase intense awareness about. Propotionately improving the standard life, media communicates how vital the health bring to human's life regularly. In my country, people word-of-mouth that "health is more valuable than gold", this reveals health is more and more concerned. It's true to say that health gives to people rich of metal's and physical's life. Identifying the benefits of healthy life, people attempt to do many things which can help their more rich of health. For me, to keep myself is always in ready to do, I have been preparing many things that suit for my current conditions now.

Doing exercise daily is an action that I put it into the top of schedule. To make my body fitter and the spirit fresher in morning, I have made an agenda to jog and do gym at least 2 hours everyday. These activities are plain sports that I prefer doing. I just need to wear simple clothes with comfortable shoes, then I can start do these sports. It is excited sense when I finish jog around the park near my apartment, I am energetic to ready to do everything.

Logically association between doing exercise and balance meals is a important thing I wary all time. I have read some culinary and heath magazines, they demostrated that diet and balance meals with kinds of food take 80% healthy decision yourself. In order to choose right foods for your body condition, your have to be conscious in shopping and cooking your own foods. Some of essential nutritions prevail on the morden life are protein, vitamins, minerals and so on. The best way I recommend you is need to update your health on many types of nutrition foods.

In conclusion, each person has his own ways and your can find your own ways to keep yoursefl always in willing to do in your life with strong mental's and physical's health. Considering the important of health in social life, you actually take much time to take care your self like me.

Nowadays, (I think, people are very cautious about health from very past days.. its not nowadays thing...so better to start with other words.. just a suggestion) people recongized that health is an important thing that they need to increase intense awareness about. Propotionately improving the standard life, media communicates how vital the health bring to human's life regularly. In my country, people word-of-mouth that "health is more valuable than gold", this reveals health is more and more concerned. It's true to say that health gives to people rich of metal's and physical's life. Identifying the benefits of healthy life, people attempt to do many things which can help their more rich of health. For me, to keep myself is always in ready to do, I have been preparing many things that suit for my current conditions now . (I think, you should mentioned what are those things, in short in intro para.. then explain with examples in main body paras..)

Doing exercise daily is an action that I put it into the top of schedule. To make my body fitter and the spirit fresher in morning, I have made an agenda to jog and do gym at least 2 hours everyday. These activities are plain sports that I prefer doing. I just need to wear simple clothes with comfortable shoes, then I can start do these sports. It is excited sense when I finish jog around the park near my apartment, ( I don't think that there is need of these sentenses.. instead you can add how this helps you..?) I am energetic to ready to do everything.

Logically association between doing exercise and balance meals is a important thing I wary all time. I have read some culinary and heath magazines, they demostrated that diet and balance meals with kinds of food take 80% healthy decision yourself. In order to choose right foods for your body condition, your have to be conscious in shopping and cooking your own foods. Some of essential nutritions prevail on the morden life are protein, vitamins, minerals and so on. The best way I recommend you is need to update your health on many types of nutrition foods. ( I think, you should explain how this helps you..? instead of recommending others.. read question What do you do for good health? Use specific reasons and expamples to support your answer. )

In conclusion, each person has his own ways and your can find your own ways to keep yoursefl always in willing to do in your life with strong mental's and physical's health. Considering the important of health in social life, you actually take much time to take care your self like me.(... same as above please explain how it is helpful to you?)

Just a suggestion..

Good Luck!!

Thanks
Ana.

Topic: People do many different things to stay healthy. What do you do for good health? Use specific reasons and expamples to support your answer.[/b]

Nowadays, people recongizerecognize that health is an important thing that they need to increase intense(intensely/ intensive) awareness about. PropotionatelyProportionately improving the standard life ("Along with the improving of standard life" or " As the modern life" may be more suitable ?? ) , media communicates how vital the health bring to human's life regularly. In my country, people's word-of-mouth that "health is more valuable than gold", this reveals that health is being more and more concerned. It's true to say that health gives to people rich of metal 's (mental) and physical's life ( confusing ??) you can try: "It's true to say that health enrich our life in both mental and physical way".

. Identifying the benefits of healthy life, people attempt to do many things which can help their(them)more rich of health. (help + Verb). For me ( In my opinion/ As far as I am concern/ From my point of view) , to keep myself is always in ready to do, I have been preparing many things that suit for my current conditions now.

Doing exercise daily is an action that I put it into the top of schedule (list/...). (Doing exercise daily is my top priority)
To make my body fitter and the spirit fresher in morning, I have made an agenda to jog and do gym at least 2 hours everyday(per day) . These activities (practices) are plain sports that I prefer doing. I just need to wear simple clothes with comfortable shoes, then I can start do these sports ("play sport" not "do sport) . It is excited sense when I finish jog around the park near my apartment, I am energetic to ready to do everything. (need to recheck the tense)

Logically association(adj + N, adv + V) between doing exercise and balance meals(balancing meals or you can use "balance diet") is a important thing I wary all time. I have read some culinary and heath magazines, they demostrated("demonstrated" but may be "show" is more suitable) that diet and balance meals with kinds of food take 80% healthy decision yourself.(confusing??) In order to choose right foods for your body condition, your have to be conscious in shopping and cooking your own foods. Some of essential nutritionsnutrion prevail on the mordenmodern life are protein, vitamins, minerals and so on. The best way I recommend you is need to update your health on many types of nutrition foods. (Structure ??)

In conclusion, each person has his own ways and your can find your own ways to keep yourseflyourself always in willing to do in your life with strong mental's and physical's health(don't use " 's " with Adj)(Confusing ??) . Considering the important of health in social life, you actually take much time to take care your selfyourself like me.

@Prince_prince: you should revise the IELTS paragraph's structure. (Organising words, general subject, topic sentence...)

@Trung: I'm agree with your argument that going to university or college would help us enhance our confidence. The problem is that choosing university can't give us a clear orientation, you must have a clear orientation first and then you can choose an suitable uni and enhance your confidence afterward. In my opinion, good education background accompanies with good social status, that's the fact of our country, by this way, we gain our confidence.

I really thanks for your helps, Le Duc Binh.^^ I am learning Pre-TOEFL iBT course, and I really bad at writing, especially in grammar. This is the first time I posted my essay in the thread. You recommended to me that I should revise IELTS paragraph's structure, however, I am directed on TOEFL and you know clearly these kinds of English courses are disparate. So,should I need to do now??? Advice more??

Thanks guy!!