Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

Is it good for teenagers to work? Yes, it's a Good Idea


riyak 6 / 13 1  
Jan 20, 2013   #1
Yes, I think it is a good idea for teenagers to have jobs while they are still students. However, my choice is subject to two limitations.First, I am not considering teenagers here who need to work because they have to support themselves and have no other choice.Second, I am only taking into account the option of working part time.

First , teenagers learn the value of both time management and money , if they start working from an early age. For eg, students who take up part time work while continuing with their studies, for say pocket money, realize the importance of money. Therefore, they will, most likely, strive to do better in their studies for increasing their earning prospects for the future. At the same time, in order to continue their present inflow of money while balancing it against the need to continue education, they will also strive for better time management skills, which is an excellent trait to inculcate.

Second, in today's day and time, when both parents work, teenagers are most often left alone to tend to themselves during their free time. While, pursuing hobbies such as painting, reading, singing , etc are also options for teenagers during their free time,in my opinion, doing part time work is also a very good option. Having regular part time job, inculcates in them, early on, a sense of responsibility and discipline and ability to manage expectations. Also, they most definitely will start respecting their parents' efforts to earn and give better life to the children, if they do not already do so.

Ofcourse, while I am strongly in favour of teenagers taking up part time work, I also believe that what teenagers do with the money earned still needs to be monitored by parents.

Although, those who are in favor of the argument that teenagers should not work, may come up with a lot of arguments against teenagers working, I am of the opinion that teenagers who start working part time grow up into adults who are much better equipped to handle stress and expectations of today's world.

Kitsumi 4 / 97 16  
Jan 20, 2013   #2
For eg, students who take

Don't use abbreviations. This just made me cringe.

for say pocket money

This interrupts the sentence flow. Also, pocket money is just extras on the side. They won't realize the importance of it until they had to feed and pay rent with money they earned themselves.

inculcates in them

You just ended the previous paragraph on inculcate. Use another word, like instil, vary your vocabulary.

Although, those who are in favor of the argument that teenagers should not work, may come up with a lot of arguments against teenagers working, I am of the opinion that teenagers who start working part time grow up into adults who are much better equipped to handle stress and expectations of today's world.

This is a gigantic run-on sentence, and also unsuited for conclusion. Do not bring up new points (arguments against teenagers working), just summarize what you previously wrote.

You also need to watch your comma usage. You use them too much, and it sounds very choppy.
malrob 2 / 2  
Jan 20, 2013   #3
These two lines don't have a space between the period and the first word in the new sentence.
"two limitations.First" & "no other choice.Second,"
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 21, 2013   #4
realize the value and importance of money

... I made this inclusion because I think the first thing teenager would learn is the real value of money as they have to work hard to earn that.

Having regular part time job, inculcates in them, early on, a sense of responsibility and discipline and ability to manage expectations.

You write very well... but I like if you do not include too many additions into one sentence that sort of distrubs a smooth flow of your essay.

Overall, a real good job and awesome writing :)
anant kumar - / 3  
Jan 21, 2013   #5
I think it is good for teenager becouse we found many time in society teenager they have not poket money to relaye.so part time job help him.and not only they earn money but also improved his knowlage skills.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 21, 2013   #6
.First, I am not considering teenagers here who need to work because they have to support themselves and have no other choice. ... I don't think there should be "here" after the teenagers part.

I like the way you have written this essay. Some mistakes have been corrected by others. But i should say that I support your view. :)
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 21, 2013   #7
Hai..

I like your conclusion, but still i feel in the introduction, the opening sentance (the 1st sentence) seems little bit informal, resumbles like conversation. So try to start in a formal way..

Over all good attempt..
Good points..
Tessy
anant kumar - / 3  
Jan 22, 2013   #8
hi friends the fact my english writtin skill very bad can you check my thouht.


Home / Writing Feedback / Is it good for teenagers to work? Yes, it's a Good Idea