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Is TV a good thing for keeping people informed and entertained?


ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
May 9, 2015   #1
Hi, I need to know what score I will be given, If I write an essay like what I've posted below in a real test. So, I would be more than happy if only specialists have a look at the essay and give their expert views on the work. I don't need any corrections, as I already know about the grammar errors. What I need is to find out at what level I am standing. I was wondering if you would kindly mark the essay out of 9. Thanks in advance for your help.

Topic: Television is a good thing, because it gives people enjoyment and keeps them informed as well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Television is viewed as a tool which has profoundly influenced many facets of everyone's life, since early 20th century when it was introduced to the world. Today, TV plays an important role in distributing news all around the world, as well as, entertaining people. Some people are of the opinion that the invention of television has positively affected the media industries and individuals' life. From my point of view, however, TV feeds negative issues to society, and it cannot be considered as a good set anymore.

Nowadays television acts more as a powerful propaganda machine in the hands of governments worldwide. If we focus on the news presented in the western and Islamic media, we will realize that both groups try to manipulate public opinion unfairly. Fox News, for instance, exposes people, especially American citizens, to anti-Islamic news 24/7 in order to introduce Muslims as threats to the US society. On the other hand, many Islamic TV channels work hard every day to prove that the western culture is an evil culture and it jeopardizes Muslims' community in terms of faith and morality. In addition, the latter group think western countries, on the top of them the US, are responsible for the wars we are witnessing in the Middle East these days. In other words, not only TV does not provide people with honest, true news, but also it produces hatred among different communities, as we can see this phenomenon between Muslims and non-Muslims.

At present, we cannot count television as an entertaining device, because it is a tool more for advertising. A brief look at everyday TV programs reveals that the portion of advertising time is much greater than that of shows time. Bombarding audience with a wide range of promotions can bring lots of drawbacks to a society. One main problem is what is called "narcissistic wounding", which means people, especially youngsters, think they are inferior to others if they do not have a mass array of products. This thought leads the society towards a society where materialistic opinions are norms and values.

In conclusion, even though television was first invented as a device for entertaining and distributing news, I believe it has lost its main aims nowadays. In my opinion it is a tool for propaganda and promotion, which both adversely impact our world. If we want to construct a more beautiful world, we need to use such a facility more optimally and fight on its negative effects (412 words).
confusee123 5 / 14 4  
May 10, 2015   #2
hi,
I think this will get a 6.5.
If you're writing IELTS academic generally they review the writing part quite strictly.
you could write to your best but they still will knock points off. I do think you'll score between 6 and 7 for this so hope this helps.
hunhann 6 / 23  
May 10, 2015   #3
the length of the two paragraphs are not equal
your state ideas are not clear enough.
I think it needs more supporting sentences instead of long ex
u should shorten ur ex
hope this helps
good luck


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