state position towards huge earning
In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many of us think that earning lots of money will bring a mutiltude of different benefits and give them the sense of financial freedom, they could affort the things they would like to possess without any hindrance or restraint. While another group perceive that paying higher taxes for the government and being secured for the unforeseen risks such as unemployment or illness is the best choice. This essay will discuss both views as well as giving the pros & cons of the issue.
On one hand, the government should encourage the citizens work hard to create money as well as let them free to manage their salaries by low tax collection. These things could enhance the total assets of the country which will determine where the power of a nation is in the rankings of the world. When the people feel freely to use the amount of money they earn they would like to put more effort in making more money, in order to do this thing they have to try more on getting higher education and compete to achieve the highest position in the society. Those are better for any countries, but one more disadvantage about this is that will create the big gap between the rich & the poor.
On the other hand, some countries in which the citizens who have to pay higher taxes for the government will get more benefits from the taxes they pay for. Such as, the financial ministry will make sure to support a certain amount of money for someone who is fired from their job until they have chances to get a new job, or free education for children under 18 year old, and universal health care to all citizens. These things will secure for all people to maintain their life if something wrong happens in their unforeseen future. However, everything has two sides of it, if government makes sure for all of the basic needs of a citizen, this thing will let the people feel so secure and they will be more lazy to compete for their determined attempt. It creates some people lazy to work because they can take something for granted from the government, besides, the hard-work people feel more unfair because the money they earn is used for the wrong purposes through paying the higher taxes.
All in all, it has a little inclination of agreement on letting people making more money and freely to manage their finance through the low tax collection.Grammatic errors
Afford
Put more effort into doing sth
Create some lazy people
In the second para, you should go into details the disadvantage of low tax collection
Despite these , the essay is quite relevant
Hey @Ann_Ng, you have done quite well on this essay. However, pay attention to your grammar and vocab:
- the unforeseen unforeseeable risks
- On the one hand
- The phrase let them free to manage their salaries by low tax collection seems confusing because of your word choice
- support provide a certain amount of money for someone
- 18 year olds
- makes sure for guarantees all of the basic needs
- hard-working people
Use a variety of conjunctions and sentence structures so your essay appears less plain. In the last sentence of the introduction, discuss both views and giving the pros & cons are the same. In addition, you didn't state your opinion while it is required for this essay type.
Anyway this essay is a big improvement compared to your last one. Congrats! Hope you keep doing well in the future.
@Cay nho
Thank you for your useful supporting, it gives me more good words.
@Ann_Ng
Hello! I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay.
Firstly, try to ensure that you have clarity when you're writing. You can do this through creating more thorough and smaller chunks of text to assist you in writing. For instance, in your first paragraph, try to simplify the second sentence because it appears to be quite rambling and messy. Minimize cluttered language as this makes your essay appear to be disorganized more than anything.
Furthermore, try to evade the usage of repetitive language when you're writing. If you have mentioned a particular line or something synonymous to it, then try to focus on expounding it rather than merely mentioning everything all over again.
Make sure that you also have an academic tone.
Best of luck as always.
