which investments contribute to the well-being of a society more?
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest the money in public, services instead. To that extent do you agree with this statement?
There has been a growing debate on whether or not the government should spend money in the arts. Some people believe that art brings no value to the society; therefore, does not worth investment from the government. However, others, included myself agree that government should provide more fund to promote art.
First and foremost, art serves as an outlet for expression that allows artists to communicate with their feelings. It offers artists a way to deal with depression. For instances, dancers can express their sadness through movements. It allows them to be able confront their depression and feel much more relieved later on. Moreover, art works can also reflect individuals' desires for a better society. Through those artworks, government can collect information on expectations of citizens and take suitable initiatives to improve the society.
Secondly, the thrive of art brings a myriad of advantages to the society in term of finance. There are a considerable number of artworks that worth million US dollars. Take the artwork of Pablo Picasso for example. Some of his invaluable paintings have been sold for several million US dollar on charity purpose. This gives a cut on government's expense in helping under-privileged communities. Additionally, international art exhibitions pave a way for government to introduce their rich cultures and heritages to people all around the world. Therefore, it provides a great help in attracting more tourists coming to visit the country. As tourism is boosted, the government can enjoy the significant financial benefits.
From the aforementioned reasons, I am strongly convicted that art produces a remarkable contribution to the well-being of a society. Therefore, the government should take the idea of investing more money to support art activities into consideration.
I have the following question: Does my answer achieve the task assignment? Do I need to write about government invests money in public, services?
I think in the para "First and foremost...society" u shoul focus on the society benefits like: music and theatre help pp release from pressure of works; give them inspiration to create.... because in the intro you argue that "Some people believe that art brings no value to the society" if you just mention the benefits for artist I think it is not clear for the intro.
Let's look through your essay carefully.
In your first paragraph, you can see a lack of substantiation on your introduction.
Why is there a discrepancy regarding the perspective on whether or not the government should financially invest in the arts?
Why do some governments believe that it is worthless to spend money here?
Where do they believe that money should be invested in instead?
If you could briefly analyze status quo, then it would better the flow and content of your essay. Discuss why these perspectives exist, and make your argument in accordance to that. Also, keep in mind that paragraphs should be at least 4 to 6 sentences long. Anything less could be indicative of a lack of content and weight to your essay.
I would also watch out for instances wherein you drag your sentences. If you could package your sentence in a shorter and lighter manner, then it would improve your essay's overall flow.
For instance, the second sentence of your first paragraph can be:
There are a few who argue that art has no valuable contribution, therefore making the government believe that it should not financially invest to it.
Finding your flow to better the essay takes time, however it is worth it. Try rereading your essay multiple times to ensure that you are on the right track.
Regarding your first point about art's contribution to society's expressionism, you should create a stronger correlation. Most of the examples you gave were individual displays of how art helps people. However, it would be helpful to the reader if you could elaborate on an instance wherein art was able to truly shape the world. Discuss an artwork, for instance, that has helped revolutionize people's perceptions towards an event. Discuss how art contributes to shaping a wider scope of people. A good example could be the usage of effigies in protests.
I think that your essay superficially touches on the question that is given. I would, however, suggest that you look into discussing more about the government's current investment to social services. How do you think the government should prioritize budgeting in social services versus allocating money to, for instance, the arts sector? Where should the government draw the line?
While these questions may seem to be shallow or common sense, it is appreciated if your essay can accomomdate to fundamental queries such as this.
