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IELTS Task 2- Government should pay one of the parents of very young children to stay at home

imchang 6 / 1  
Jun 28, 2018   #1
IELTS Task 2-
Some people think that the government should pay one of the parents of very young children to stay at home to look after their children.

What do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages of this policy?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 word.

FundS for parents raising kids

The topic of whether the government should give financial support to one of the parents of a very little children to take care of their children at home has stirred up much controversy. This essay will illustrate the benefits and drawback of this policy by using relevant examples.

To start with, funding can increase the willingness of parents to stay home, and thus improve the relationship between parent and children. On one side, by spending more time together, parents get to know more about their children. On the other side, the child likes their parents more since they always spend time together. A striking illustration will be me. I have a good relationship with my parents as my childhood memories are full of them. In view of this, this policy definitely benefits the bonding of a family.

Furthermore, parents from poor families can get the chance to stay at home for their kid. Adults in lower class families spend most of their time working, since they want to try their best to earn more money for the families. Workers in developing countries, for instance, have the longest working hours among the world. Their beloved children are then being left alone at home as a result, which is dangerous as accidents may happen to them. Similar problems can be solved by this policy, because poor families will get paid and they do not have to worry about their income.

However, this policy may lead to misunderstandings among parents on the responsible of taking care of children. They may receive an incorrect message that they are staying at home just for the money given by the government. It is sad that they do not get the real aim of this policy, which is to encourage parent staying at home for their child.

What must also be taken into consideration is that some people may take advantages of this policy. Some parents who has no urgent need of money may take this policy as a way to generate income. Money of the government, which is full of potential to be used in other useful purposes, such as medical and education, will be wasted in such case. Judging from this, this policy will waste resources and has no good to the society.

In my opinion, everything has two sides. This policy can benefit lots of new families, especially those in financial needs. It is hoped that the government can set strict regulations on the enforcement of this policy to benefit the people.

Thanks for reading my essay! It would be helpful if you could leave a band score for me!
hyperephania 10 / 27  
Jun 28, 2018   #2
It seems that your writing has exceeded the word limitation (250-300 words) of an IELT Writing Task 2 essay. As this goes on, you would not have enough time to write such a long essay with more than 400 words like this. In addition, you would need ample time to revise your essay and check for mistakes.

As you are writing a discussion essay, your writing should follow this formation:
- Heading
- Advantages paragraph
- Disadvantages paragraph
- Conclusion
And the "relevant examples" should be included in each of these paragraphs as you write. This can actually help cut the unnecessay parts of your essay.

Hope this makes sense!
Chuni lal 2 / 6  
Jun 28, 2018   #3
Had a look at your essay. for IELTS, you must follow the 4 or at max 5 paragraphs order. otherwise, it will become confusing and the order of presentation is important, that means the flow of presentation introduction discussion advantage/disadvantage and conclusion
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,801 4780  
Jun 29, 2018   #4
imchang, , in order to make sure that you stay within the advisable word count of 250-300 words in this essay, it would be best for you to write the essay using a timer. Set the timer for 30 minutes, which is the allotted time for this test, then begin the outlining, drafting, and finalization process. By using a timer during the practice run, you will be able to better assess your weaknesses when it comes to sentence and paragraph development. If you find that you do not leave 5-10 minutes towards the end for editing and revision purposes, then you are writing too many words or, you are slow in developing your discussion. Based on your timing situation, you will be able to make adjustments to your writing process with the upcoming practice essays.

By the way, stay as close to the prompt as possible in your paraphrases in order to get a more accurate prompt paraphrase. Learn to tell the difference between a discussion and controversy or debate. Task 2 essays are always discussions, never controversies or debates. Do not exaggerate the presentation process because this can adversely affect your TA score.

Don't get me wrong though, your essay is well thought out and explained. It is just that you are not following the appropriate presentation format and you are not properly timing yourself during the exercise. If you do not learn to write within the limits of time, you may overshoot during the actual test and end up with a half written essay when the time is up. That will cost you major points in the final scoring of the actual test.

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