governments should pay more attention to this matter
To control environmental damage and global warming caused by the air travel industry, the governments worldwide agree to extend the cost of flying in hope that people will fly less and reduce the carbon dioxide released to the atmosphere. I agree with the plans however, the governments should pay more consideration on the drawbacks raised along with the plans' progression.
The price of flying tickets increases would consequently lead to a lower demand for air traveling. The air companies should consider to reduce the number of flights and plains in general. Moreover, the higher flying free would be an incentive for both the airline organizations and plains producer that higher technology released less air pollution should be invented. Because nowadays, people are more aware of the environmental effect of their machinery. For example, if they can choose between a normal car and an eco-friendly car, most people will decide to buy the second one.
On the other hand, the price-increasing plans also have some weaknesses. First, instead of using airline traveling, people's choices turn into train, car, board, ... that are time-consuming and furthermore, the amount of pollution would increase as the longer time that the travel needed. It is likely that the more vehicles used individually, the more trafic jam and carbon dioxide released. The governments had better prepare plans for alternative public transportation before pricing higher flying free.
In summary, decreasing the number of air traveling is a good idea for lower the environmental damage. However, the governments should fulfill the plans by including further consideration in alternative vehicles.
@bluepen0311
Use more appropriate terminologies when you are trying to explain things. For instance, you do not extend the cost of flying - instead what you do is increase the cost of flying. Extending has a different meaning than increasing. Knowing these differentiations would benefit you in the long-run because you'll have more substantive content.
Try to be more specific and straightforward when you are writing as well. Doing this will enable you to have more hold over the meaning and the content of your essay. If you can accomplish this, you'll be able to generate more optimized sentences that would benefit you in the long-run.
Having a more structured academic essay will serve you well. Once you are able to construct your sentences in a more effective manner (restructuring, using more academic/appropriate/formal language, omitting lines that are unnecessary), you'll find that writing can benefit you tremendously.
Let's revise a few lines for your essay.
To mitigate the negative effects caused by the air travel industry, governments agree to increase the costs of flights; this is predicted to make people fly less to reduce carbon emissions to the atmosphere. I agree with these plans, however the government should consider plausible drawbacks of the situation.
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Ensuring that you have clarity in your language is key. For instance, don't just say that the higher fees would be an incentive for airlines to produce less pollution; instead, you can mention that having these said fees would increase the budget which could possibly make airlines dedicate more of their finances to funding ecological research and development. Being specific (ie. mentioning it's for ecological research and development) and having a step-by-step approach are both key incentives for you to learn more.
Keep these in mind as you are writing. And best of luck as always!