While some people consider global warming to be the most pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment, others believe that deforestation has a more devastating impact on our world
Discuss both sides and give your opinion
These days, the earth has faced with various environmental issues after the dawn of industrialisation. It is thought by some that the most severe trouble is global warming, whereas others believe that influence of deforestation is worse. This essay agrees that global warming considers to be drastic issue of our planet to deal with.
On the one hand, the effect of global warming has raised the average temperature of the earth's climate system over last few decades. It has been researched by many scientists that global warming causes extreme weather such as heat wave, tropical storm and many more which frequently occur in numerous regions. For instance, many Indians have been killed every year due to the hit of heat wave which temperature approximately reach 50 degrees Celsius, particularly low-income people who are not able to access facilities for relief the hot weather. Hence, it has been argued that global warming is the most serous problem our planet encounters.
On the other hand, some think that deforestation leaves vary negative impact to environment. For example, In Laos which is my home country, Forest area has been dramatically decreased as a result of cutting trees for using in wooden industry in order to support nation's economy, despite this, effect is currently appearing in many aspects such as soil erosion, flood and instinct of wild animal. Thus, the earth devastated by deforestation is obvious.
In conclusion, it is clearly seen that global warming affects all organism and ecosystem in the world. Hence, it is strongly believed that the global warming is global problem in 21st century which every one should raise awareness on how to counters with it.
Phonepasong, I can see that you have gained a lot of improvements relating to the flow of ideas and the organization of your essay. Yet, I also can see that there are still some rooms for you to enhance your essay writing skill. Therefore, I would focus on your introduction and conclusion because I didn't find any serious problems with your body paragraphs.
1st paragraph (introduction paragraph):
- It is thought by someargued(your previous words were unclear. some? who? animals? bugs? workers?) that the most severe trouble is global warming, whereas others believe that influence of deforestation is worse.
- This essay agrees that global warming is consideredconsiders to be drastic issue of our planet to deal with.
4th paragraph (concluding paragraph)
- Hence, it is(who believe this? you? Why don't you just write "I"? Remember, the prompt is "discuss both sides and give your opinion") strongly believed that the global warming is a global problem in 21st century which everyone should raise awareness on how to counters with it.be aware of.
As you can see, I understand that you want to make your essay as formal as possible or as academic as possible. But, IELTS is somehow different. It needs YOUR opinion, which relates to the personal pronoun usage. Therefore, it is okay to use them AS LONG AS you are not over-using them. I reckon that IELTS is not a 100% academic essay, so that you are allowed to use personal pronouns, especially for introduction and conclusion to strengthen your points. Keep practicing, you're getting better mate! :)
