Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS TASK 2: IS GOVERNMENT RESPONSIBLE FOR TAKING CARE OF CITIZENS' HEALTH and diet?


kimkhue 1 / -  
Nov 13, 2021   #1
Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy.

Discuss both views and give your opinion?



The mass is facing the dilemma of whether or not the authority is responsible for caring for citizens' health and diet. While some people disagree with the idea that looking after their own health and diet is only an individuals' duty, I hold a belief that both governments and residents should contribute to improving their health condition.

It is undeniable that health is mainly determined by each individual, and the government merely provides them with the best advice and method to improve their health. Moreover, eating nutritious food and doing exercise regularly can enhance residents' health and avoid a number of illnesses. These days, there is a rise in the elderly starting doing aerobics or going jogging in the parks, which is essential in maintaining a healthy body. In addition, an unhealthy diet can cause various problems such as heart disease or diabetes. For that reason, the citizens should eat more vegetables, minerals and reduce the amount of fast food they consume.

On the other hand, authority plays a crucial role in improving the health and diet of people. To be more specific, the government can construct more hospitals and reduce health care costs. As regards children, the government can restrict junk food on schools' menus and encourage them to do physical activities more. Furthermore, many developing countries have imposed a ban on using pesticides in planting to make sure that the citizens were provided with clean and healthy food. Additionally, there is the requirement that food packaging show the food's nutritional content. Hence, either individuals or government is capable of changing health conditions and diet positively.

In conclusion, there are good reasons why people are liable for improving their health and diet, but in my opinion government assistance is partially important.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Nov 14, 2021   #2
The mass

The reference word is wrong. Mass refers to a body of coherent matter, usually of indefinite shape and often of considerable size. The phrase is - a definite reference /subject such as mass media, mass unemployment, mass murder, or mass shooting, in reference to a large group of people. However, the word" masses" refers to a definite large group of people, which is probably the reference point you wanted to use. Such errors create GRA deductions along with LR inaccuracies.

There are 2 keywords that indicate the comparison point in each paragraph prior to your opinion. Explain the reasons behind the public support for

Some people

and

Others believe

in relation to

YOUR OPINION

All I am reading here is a general reference to your personal opinion based on the public topic but, not the public opinions and supporting views.

A more appropriate 3 paragraph reasoning presentation was needed for the proper comparison analysis and personal opinion consideration. While the format is incorrect, the writer does show an understanding of the topic.
Khushi123 1 / 1  
Nov 15, 2021   #3
1. I think your thesis statement in the first paragraph should not just have your opinion but also the reason behind it. The reasons can then be effectively elaborated in the following paragraphs.

2. The second paragraph strongly disagrees with your opinion and instead is in favor of what you are disagreeing with. Please make sure all of your content is in line with your thesis statement.

3. Please be careful about the logic you are trying to explain, the government can do multiple things like help educate the people, provide training, mandate nutrition information to new mothers, etc apart from just opening hospitals. I recommend outlining ideas roughly before actually writing the whole thing.

Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: IS GOVERNMENT RESPONSIBLE FOR TAKING CARE OF CITIZENS' HEALTH and diet?