The mass
The reference word is wrong. Mass refers to a body of coherent matter, usually of indefinite shape and often of considerable size. The phrase is - a definite reference /subject such as mass media, mass unemployment, mass murder, or mass shooting, in reference to a large group of people. However, the word" masses" refers to a definite large group of people, which is probably the reference point you wanted to use. Such errors create GRA deductions along with LR inaccuracies.
There are 2 keywords that indicate the comparison point in each paragraph prior to your opinion. Explain the reasons behind the public support for
Some people
and
Others believe
in relation to
YOUR OPINION
All I am reading here is a general reference to your personal opinion based on the public topic but, not the public opinions and supporting views.
A more appropriate 3 paragraph reasoning presentation was needed for the proper comparison analysis and personal opinion consideration. While the format is incorrect, the writer does show an understanding of the topic.