violence and crimes in the media
Controversy arises when governments manage violent information in mass media such as news, televisions and online videos. In my view, I believe that it is not the only responsibility for governments to combat the overwhelmingly violent content in media.
Admittedly, being frequently exposed to media violence is the culprit of some juvenile delinquencies and therefore it should be limited by governments. Young people, as one of the most vulnerable groups, who cannot access proper school and parental education are not mature enough to control themselves, and this contributes to that they imitate violent behaviors on televisions and other media. Consequently, they are more likely to commit crimes such as robbery, burglar and even murder. In addition, excessive content of violence in public media arouses people's agressiveness, which makes them become desensitized to violent situations, it is very much possible that people view violence as commonplace and utilize it as an approach to deal conflicts in real world if movies and television programs are filled with violent scenes without any governments' restrictions.
However, only with government intervention, it is not adequate to address the adverse effects brought about by the violence in media. It is a fact that those who are able to differentiate the virtual situations in video games and on televisions form reality still conduct some anti-social behaviors. This indicates that crimes have little to do with exposure to violence. Meanwhile, those violent elements acting as catalysts make the films instead of at the expense of the creation of social problems like crimes.
In conclusion, the amount of violence in the media should be restricted by the government because it is linked to crimes and social issues and hopefully these can be mitigated through the cooperation with the education of young adults and the improvement of media organisations' ethics.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 Binz, your discussion is acceptable but flawed to a certain extent. That is because you did not properly format your response to indicate the prompt requirement. For example, in the opening statement, the latter part should indicate something similar to the following phrase in order to properly represent the singular action on your part as required by the prompt:
I agree that the government...
By phrasing your sentence in that manner, you indicate a clear understanding of the prompt requirement and also increase your score possibility because you properly used the prompt keywords within your paragraph. Try to increase your opening statement to at least 3 sentences because that is the standard requirement for all exam paragraph style essays. Aim to write 5 sentence so that you can better represent your ease of use when it comes to the English language.
Your essay deviated from the prompt requirement in the 3rd paragraph. Since you are arguing that the government should control violence in the media, this paragraph should have instead, had an inclusive statement that explained why the government should also be in control of the gaming media and not just televised and social media. Remember, you are being asked "to what extent" do you agree with this statement and saying that the government should control gaming media falls right within that discussion / category.
Your concluding paragraph indicates new information instead of simply using the already existing information in summary form to close the essay. Do not repeat that mistake in your succeeding essays. The academic rule for any essay is that the writer cannot introduce new ideas in the concluding statement. That is because the concluding statement should end the essay instead of continue the discussion.
@Holt
Thanks for your valuable and detailed feedback.
I really appreciated that. But I don't really understand what propmpt requirement means.
Where can I find relevant information?
Bin
@BinZ I assumed that prompt requirement means the topic.
You have to read the instruction carefully before you start writing.
Stick with the topic and if you don't have enough ideas or vocabulary, you can always search on the internet or library.
