I'm revising my writing skills for the coming exam. Please help with my ideas or grammar. All of your feedback is appreciated. Many thanks.
Topic: Some people believe that people have the right to university education, and government should make it free nó matter what their financial background. To what extent đó you agree or disagree
IELTS essay for education
Many people believe that government of countries all around the world should provide free university education programs for their citizens no matter what their affordability. While there are many arguments, I would disagree with this point.
On the one hand, it is true that governments should help poor people to have an opportunity to enlist university they want. Firstly, there are many potential students who have good knowledge with a high score in the entrance exam to the university, can't afford to continue going to high education. Government and community should support them to pursue their dreams in the lecture theatre. Secondly, government will enhance their prestige when helping needy people go to the university, because it is one of the significant activities received social supports.
On the other hand, it is impractical for any governments to use their financial budget for paying all education fee. The first reason is that governments will have to pay a large amount maintenance of infrastructure, equipment, teachers, etc. to maintain university activities. This may lead to budget deficit and prevent governments from investing other important sectors. The second reason is that it is difficult for universities to catergorize entrance student capacity and apply suitably specific curriculum. The quality of human resources output are not good will waste state financial budget.
In conclusion, personally I would argue that governments should have measures to encourage their citizens to get into school, but only for a limited necessary people group.@Lavence
You have missed out the most vital aspect to anwer the question. The question is about your opinion while you wrightly took a side but discussed both views equally which certainly reduce your score to a great extent. You should take a side either on agreement or disagreement for this type of question and have to develop your two/three ideas in following two/three paragraphs. Each body paragraph must have a topic sentence presenting your idea clearly followed by explanation and example. Do not introduce more than one idea in each paragraph for this type of question when it is asking your opinion. If you want to give the opposite view, you can give it by producing a short paragraph just before conclusion while only stating that there may have some positive featuers like this and this , however,,.... then refute it.
hope this will help
Hi Lavence, I think you should plan your essay and choose the vocab more carefully, as your essay is still short (244 instead of 250 words) but quite wordy in the way of describing. You should use complex sentences, not long wordy sentences. Try to be clear and specific in ideas, some of your ideas are confused. Here is my suggestion in your essay (which I think can fix):
... disagree with this point because of the following reasons.
First, it is impractical for the governments ... all education fees as they already have to pay ... equipment and human resources to operate public university activities. This may lead to a budget deficit and ... Secondly, it is difficult for universities to categorize ... curriculum. The low quality of human resources output will waste state financial budget. (I am sorry but what you mean about "categorize entrance student capacity and apply suitably specific curriculum"? Both free and paid education need to categorize the students and all need a different curriculum. That depends on the school.)
On the one hand, governments truly should indeed help poor people to have an opportunity to enlist the university they want. With support from the government and community, many financial-needed potential students can continue their higher education and pursue their dreams in the lecture theatre. Furthermore, the government will ... supports. (Sorry again, I really not understand this sentence, the government will enhance their prestige is ok, but what are significant activities received social supports? It is the responsibility of the governments to encourage and investing in education)
In conclusion, I do believe that the governments should ... citizens to obtain higher education, but only for ... (OK, this sentence is quite confusing. I can understand what you mean, but this also has the meaning that "only limited people should be encouraged to get into school")
I think you should be more careful with your grammar, especially complex structures as can be fixed below:
- ... to enlist the university that they want
- ..., but they can't afford to continue higher education
- ... financial budget to pay for free education fee
- invest in
Hope this will help.
