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IELTS Task 1. The graph below gives information about the number of cases of diarrhea in Mashhad bet


kzvrinv 1 / -  
Jun 8, 2016   #1
The provided illustration represents information on the frequency of diarrhea in Mashhad over a period of 9 years.
It is observed that statistics remained relatively stable between 1983 and 1985 making up 100. This was followed by noticeable rise approximately by 90 in 1986. Then, there was a slight growth to 200 the following year. It is seen that the number of people experienced diarrhea dropped back significantly to 1985's levels in 1988. However, this downward trend was suddenly broken and rose tremendously to 400 reaching the highest peak in 1989. The number of Mashhad's ill people declined by 50 in 1980 and maintained the same level the next year.

Ultimately, Mashhadians were totally rescued from the illness in 1992.




akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
Jun 8, 2016   #2
Hi Zarina, welcome to the EssayForum! We are here to give you accurate and constructive feedbacks toward all members who are in need of writing assistance.

Zarina, I think that in IELTS Writing Task 1, one must write AT LEAST 150 words. Unfortunately, your essay not reaches the minimum words number (only 120 words). Furthermore, it is better to split the idea in the first sentence into three. I think that one paragraph consists at least three sentences. Hence, this will help you to write more than the standard of the total words limit during the examination.

The following the example of the revised introductory part:

"The provided illustration represents information on the frequency of diarrhea in Mashhad. The diagram illustrates the case for a period of 9 years. Overall, there are several changes in the statistics as explained as follows."

There you have it. I am looking forward to reading your revision or your next essay. Regards :D


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