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GREAs people rely on technology to solve problems, our ability turns upside down


sntinn 8 / 36 9  
Apr 10, 2014   #1
Dear communities,

I would like to ask for your help on my first GRE issue essay. I am willing to listen to all suggestions / corrections not only on the grammatical errors, but also in the content. I love to hear the alternative ways of writing and close analysis from you.

Thank you for giving your time on helping me.

Regards,

Prompt:


As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

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If we use technology to help solving most of problems in our lives, will we lost the ability to solve a problem for ourselves? It is often to hear a similar or the mere kind of statement that "technologies make our kids stupid." It is true that our live depends on the technological facilities; however, we are the master of these invention. Our technology facilitates our lives and helps engineers develop the new innovation.

On one hand, we blames technologies making us become a perfect receptors. We accustom to the live with the great support from technologies. We tend to search for the answer rather than using our ability to plan, to organize and to solve the confronted problem. We are trapped into the social media. We open to vast variety information, and most of which leads to us to be oblivious to the knowledge, as we lost our time on searching rather than developing ourselves. If humans still have to live with more of technology, will they become people who truly know nothing?

One can argue that using technologies cannot deter his thinking ability, as he does not allow himself to be its victims. We can choose the right channels to receive information, as well as we can avoid wasting our time on none-sense stuff on the internet. Instead of blaming calculator for spoiling children's quantitative skills, we should blame educators, or may be their parents, who give up to difficulty during the process of learning of their child. Technology is our tools. We give commands to control the use of technology and to make it efficient.

We might not be as strong as our ancestors, but with technology, we are better than those who live before us. We use technology to do the hard task for us, and to some extent, some ability might be lost; we can spend more time on developing ourselves at a much higher levels than the task of technology. With advanced mechanical technology, we develop automobiles that have not only the fastest speed ever made, but also consume the least amount of fuels and are eco-friendly. With infrastructural technology, we can make seemly impossible designs for the tallest ever skyline in each year. With technological development in science material, we have our buildings and architectures that are not only strong but also beautiful. Electrical energy not only free us from darkness, but also empowers us to control machines, drive electrical systems, and unleash our thought into worldwide communication. Space technology allows us to go far beyond our planet. Not only in the fields of engineers, our current technological development allow us to use the pure and absolute theory of mathematics to engineer new aspects of innovation.

Our lives and knowledge have been greatly improved with helps from technology. While the side effect of misuse of technology can also cause the drop of human's ability, we should keep in our mind that we are its master of technology. With our consciousness, we know when to use technology for having entertainment or for honing thinking ability.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Apr 10, 2014   #2
If we use technology to help solvingsolve most of the problems in our lives, will we lostlose our ownthe ability to solve a problem for ourselves ?

It is often to hear a similar or the mere kind of statement that "technologies make our kids stupid."

This sentence is not presented well :(

we blames technologies

... wrong grammar'
we blame/ he blames/ I blame/ they blame/ she blames

You need to pay a lot of attention to your grammar!
OP sntinn 8 / 36 9  
Apr 13, 2014   #3
Thank you for your kind help and advice.
Your suggestions are helpful as you have pointed out the weakness in my essay, such that I could develop my writing skills.

To Pahan Thank you. I truly appreciate your inspection. My grammar needs to be improved as well as my words are often way too extreme. I like to hear your suggestions on how thing should be written. In fact, I find that it is very hard for me (who is not accustom to using the language) to express my thought.

To eddies Thank you for giving your thoughtful analysis, making precise corrections and expressing your opinion on my writing.

Technology has revolutionized lifestyle, attitudes and behavior of people.

is a very perfect way to say. I really like your analysis, and your expression which reflects how I should improve my writing.

To dumi. Thank you for your insightful correction and careful consideration on my essay.

Instead of blaming calculator for spoiling children's quantitative aptitude skills, we should blame educators, or may be their parents, who give up to difficulty during the process of learning of their child ?????? this is not clear to the reader at all :( .

In fact, I was trying to say that even if calculator is often blamed for causing the lack of mathematical skills in children, parents and educators should be responsible for their children's failure, too. To me, if their parents/educators would have paid close attention to their children's math skills, this problem would not happen at all. Parents/ teachers should have notice the lack of calculation skills due to the use of calculators, and hence, they could help their children understand when the tools should be used. I believe this can also be extended to the problem of children using calculators instead of mental calculation because the children want to make the good score. It is often to see parents pushing their children to be the greatest one at school, but they may neglect the fact that children may do the right things such as using the calculators to finish their homework. I am afraid that my words do not demonstrate my thought clearly. I would love to if you would suggest an alternative way of saying this. ^ ^

Thank you again for all of your helps and suggestions. : )


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