Ielts- who have the greatest influence on the world

Hi everyone, my third essay .. Thank you for your comments on my previous essays,your suggestions helped me alot.

Topic: Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is undeniable that our world is changing at an exponential rate. However,people hold distinctive opinions about who affects this phenomemon mostly.

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Some people believe that politicans play the most paramount role in this case.This mainly because they are the person who set the vision of a country and launch related policies affecting a nation's future. For example, Araham Lincoln,the former President of US, unified United States and set it on the course to become the most powerful nation.Without this man, the US would probably has never donimated the world for decades,which would make the world today dramatically different.

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Nevertheless, there are many people questioning this statement and they claim that scientists have the biggest impact on the world. Scientific achievements can promote the world's development. For instance,given that long-distance transportation tools have made it possible for products to be tranported between countries beyond boundaries,international trade has been promoted,which drived the economic growth globally. Meanwhile,science is also a negative force to the world.It is an abundance of green house gases emitted by vehicles and refrigerators that contributes to the global warming. Due to the temperature increase,many species of flora and fauna have become extinct.

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In my opinion, there is no major influence on the world .Instead, the vision made by politicians and scientists' innovations are constantly interacting. It is the reciprocal impact of the two that shapes the world's characteristics and dictates how the world will develop.If this were not true, then we would be alble to predict the future world merely based on politicians' decisions.

As a conclusion,I believe,neither politicians nor scientists is the major influence on our society,but that both have powerful effects.

I feel the tense in the second paragraph is not very suitable,the example of long distance transportation..
I'm wondering if I used it in a wrong way

I am glad to hear your response
BR
Lynn

Hi, Thank you for your helpful comments on my essay. I think your essay is well organized and your vocabulary range is also good. But there are some hints that I mentioned as follows: (indeed these comments are just suggestions, I hope the hints be useful)

It is undeniable that our world is being changeding at an exponential rate. However,people hold distinctive opinions about who affects this phenomemon mostly. (It wouhld be better to mention the people's attitude toward effects of scientists and politicians. In this way you can specifically state what is the main idea of the essay. In addition, each essay needs a blue print. blue print is a sentence that connect the introduction to body. This can be a sentence like this: "These viewpoints will be argued in this essay")

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Some people believe that politici ans play the most paramount role in this case (I think the use of "in this concern" or "in this respect" is more appropriate" . This mainly because they are the person(this is singular word and u cannot use it after "they are", u can change it by "individuals") who set the vision of a country (or you can use public opinion) and launch related policies affecting a nation's future. For example, Araham Lincoln,the former President of US, unified United States and set it on the course to become the most powerful nation.Without this man, the US would probably has never dominated (The US probably would not be a superpower to dominate/control ...) the world for decades,which would make the world today(today's world) dramatically different.

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Nevertheless, there are many people questioning this statement and they claim that scientists have the biggest impact on the world. Scientific achievements can promote the world's development. For instance,given that long-distance transportation tools have made it possible for products to be transported between countries beyond boundaries,international trade has been promoted(use a wide range of vocabulary such as "ameliorate", "improve", "expand") ,which drivedthe economic growth globally(which has driven up the global economy) . Meanwhile,science is also a negative force to the world.It is an abundance of green house gases emitted by vehicles and refrigerators that contributes to the global warming. Due to the temperature increase,many species of flora and fauna have become extinct.

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In my opinion, there is no major influence on the world .Instead, the visions made by politicians and scientists' innovations are constantly (continuously) interacting. It is thea reciprocal impact of the two that shapes the world's characteristics and dictates how the world will develop.If this were not true, then we would be able to predict the future world merely based on politicians' decisions.

As a conclusion,I believe,neither politicians nor scientists is the major influence on our society,but that both have powerful effects.

THanks a lot