There have been growing concerns from many schools about the concentrate of students in class.

Topic: when students in large classes it is very hard for teacher to give every student individual attention. What can educational authorities do about this?

Task

In recent years, there have been growing concerns from many schools about the concentrate of students in class. This had led to the question whether educational managers can give individual attention on every student or not. This essay will discuss the solutions of the problem mentioned above.

...

This essay will discuss the solutions of the problem mentioned above. This sentence might work as a transition but i would omit it!
things, others vague words should be eliminated!
Both of your body paragraphs look like a template! You need to show the rater that you write your essay spontaneously.

Hi Misstuyet94,

These are several suggestions to improve your writing,

In recent years, there have been growing concerns from(for) many schools about the concentrate of students in class(students' concentration on their classes) . This had led to the(a) question whether educational managers can give individual attention on every student or not. This essay will discuss the solutions of the problem mentioned above.

First of all, students lack of attention when they are in class as a(the) result of boring studying(study) programs. Therefore, both of educational managers and teachers should establish or promote(a) curriculum of(for) students. This means that people should supply more interesting things into program such as more extra activities, games and individual exercises. Consequently, (the) students will feel excited(excitement) then they attend (the) class with enthusiastic (add a noun here) .[/quote]

[quote=Misstuyet94]Another major cause for(of) this is that some teachers do not have any good attitudes and animations when they teach children(the students) . Thus, one obvious solution is for this is that all schools should pick up and train (the) teachers in active way. In fact, children(the students) can be motivated by the way teachers' expression .

Last but not least,T eachers also should create firmly rules(rules firmly) in (the) class. More specifically, (the) teachers should commend and reward if children(when the students) focus on (their) lessons very well. Besides, (the) students can be defined when they do not spend any concentrate(concentration) in (the) class. These solutions will remind (the) students to express their learning attitudes in(about) good ways.

In short, the issues above has(have) resulted in several serious consequences which require immediate attention. Moreover, we should make a concerted effort to solve these problems to(and to) create a better future for our next generations.

Good Luck and Happy Writing