TOEFL ESSAY:Growing violence in films has affected youngsters in a negative way?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Growing violence in films has affected youngsters in a negative way?

It's obvious that violent behavior is growing more in films in recent 20 years. This matter has been considered as a way to advertise a film. From my point of view, I believe that violence in movies has negative effects on youngsters mostly on their behaviors, emotions & study.

In the first place, children behaviors are the most concerning matter which parents are always trying to do their best. Nowadays children are more involved in TV programs. Imagine an actor who is a child`s favorite is doing violent roles. In this case, the child would imitate the actor's behaviors in order to look like to him. Thus, unexpectedly the violent behavior has effected on child`s behaviors.

Meanwhile, human beings are very sensitive, especially of youngsters. For instance, dying is always a disappointing happening. Furthermore, killing is worse. Therefore, if these scenes are in TV, they would probably have their negative effects on the viewer who could be a child.

Finally, beside all above mentioned items, the study of youngsters shall always been controlled. For example, a child watches a frightening movie. On the other hand, he has to study for the exam. In this condition, because he is thinking about the movie or whatever has happened in it, it is obvious that he wouldn`t be able to concentrate on his study perfectly .Hence, the study of a youngster would affected terribly.

In conclusion, I certainly can say that growing of violence in films have definitely negative effects on youngsters mostly on their study, emotions and behaviors. Therefore, I think this matter should be controlled by parents or somehow by directors.

Do not use "&" in writing.


Do not use contractions.



I think the use of the term "role model" is better than "child's favorite".


Behavior is an uncountable noun, so u cannot write it in plural form.


"effect" is a noun and u cannot use it as a verb. So u should replace it with "affect", "influence", or "impact.


U should elaborate on this paragraph. What negative effects? How can such scenes affect children?

the study of youngsters shall always beenshould always be controlled


I think u should revise these two sentences and write them as one single sentence with a better structure


Regards
Ahmad

Thank you dumi and ah_zafari for your comments.I`m working on your given comments.
Again I appreciate for your kind and notable checking.

and


Well, "It's'' is the accepted short form for ''It is'' or ''It has'' and cannot be used for anything else.e.g. It's his duty; It's the right time; It's gone forever

''Its'' means ''his'' or ''her'' and mostly used for animals . ... e.g. Its tail is too short; Its fragrance makes it a flower of high demand

So in this case ''It's'' is not wrong (google for ''difference between its and it's if you want find more information on this topic), but I prefer you wrote ''It is'' because this is your opening statement and it's worth putting a little hard work for this sentence coz this is your first chance of impressing the reader :D

I did not say it is wrong, but I mean in writing all words should completely be written. a writer should not use "we're", "it's", "I'm", and the like.

I think its sounds more better if could use look alike better than in order to look like to him.

i only said its better to use look alike than to look like to him

Thank you all for checking.

You choose very important topic. Growing violence in films has affected not only youngsters but also it has affected other peoples in a negative way. Nowadays many young people spend their time watching inappropriate movies instead of reading books. Also they argue on movies with others