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IELTS - GUN CONTROL & INCREASING VIOLENCE


icebeating 3 / 8 1  
Jun 22, 2014   #1
Topic 1: Some people believe that if a police force carries guns, this encourages higher level of violence in that society. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people may argue that allowing policemen to carries firearms can increase violence in the society. To some extent, I do not agree with this assertion because I believe that criminal minds that breed violence not stringent gun control.

First of all, it seems to be true that if there is gun control somehow crime has to decrease because fewer guns available mean less crime. However, this is not as simple as it sounds.

In fact, stringent gun control does not decrease violence and crime because most gun violence is committed with guns obtained illegally. People who are intent to commit crime and control cities through gang violence and other means will find a way to continue to use guns, regardless of gun control.

Moreover, there will be law non-abiding people anywhere in the world, either polices or common citizens. As a result, the root of violence is criminal mind not the weapon itself. Therefore, if a government wants to control crime in a community, it is important to manage their people's actions rather than gun used in violent crimes.

All in all, it is obvious that there is a poor relationship between polices carrying guns and an increasing violence rate. On the other hand, criminal mind seems to be more related to violence. Consequently, we should pay more attention to adjust people's behaviors in order to reduce crimes instead of gun control

Sabi Thapaa 3 / 5 1  
Jun 22, 2014   #2
The essay is nice but I think there must be minimum 250 words for IELTS writing task 2 .
OP icebeating 3 / 8 1  
Jun 22, 2014   #3
Thanks for your comment. I have tried to find other arguments for this topic bit it seems very difficult.
Any added ideas will be highly appreciated
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 22, 2014   #4
when you write agree disagree essay, and you use 5-paragraph style,,
follow this approach
1.introduction
2.first point
3.second point
4.your own opinion
5.conclusion
iamchop 6 / 11  
Jun 22, 2014   #5
The essay is written well, using simple word effectively but there are some mistakes such as in the introduction sentence
MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 22, 2014   #6
Some people may argue that allowing policemen to carriescarry [quote=icebeating]To some extent, I do not agree with this assertion because I believe that criminal minds that breed violence not stringent gun control.

firearms can increase violence in the society.[/quote] I do not really understand the meaning of this sentence. do you mind explaining it? :)

Do you think your body paragraphs are a bit short? I think you should add some examples also :)
OP icebeating 3 / 8 1  
Jun 22, 2014   #7
Hi Mia,

Thank you for your comment, my answer is as the following:

Some people may argue that allowing policemen to carry firearms can increase violence in the society = if a police force carries guns, this encourages higher level of violence in that society (this is the question paraphrasing).

I will rewrite and add more example when having more feedback

Thank you:)
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 25, 2014   #9
each paragraph is structured by 2 or three sentence. So the content is general because you do not have an example. You can follow follow this approach to compose your paragraph:

Idea : here you can write the thesis (disagree)
Reason : explain the reason, why disagree?
Example : give an example
Effect : what the effects of the example which is given in future or present
Conclusion : summary of this paragraph.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jun 26, 2014   #10
You write quite well. These some points should be highlighted.

Some people may argue that allowing policemen(prevent gender-biased language. Use police officers) to carries firearms can increase violence in the society.

First of all, it seems to be true thatApparently, if there is an agreement on gun control

Moreover, there will be law non-abiding people anywhere in the world, either polices or common citizens( you are not being asked to discuss common citizens. Focus on the limitation of the topic: a police with guns)

we should pay more attention to adjust people's behaviors(beware of this part. You are more likely to introduce a new point, instead of giving suggestion)
OP icebeating 3 / 8 1  
Jun 26, 2014   #11
Thanks Eddie, your comment is really helpful
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 15, 2014   #12
Some people may argue that allowing policemen to carriescarry firearms can increase violence in the society. To some extent, I do not agree with this assertionview because I believe that criminal minds that breed violence not stringent gun control. ... this latter part is very confusing ....you need to rephrase this sentence to deliver your idea clearly to the reader.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 15, 2014   #13
All in all, it is obvious thatObviously,there isa poorthis proves that there is no valid relationship between polices carrying guns and an increasing violence rate. On the other hand, criminal mind seems to be more related to violence. Consequently,It is imperative that we should pay more attention to adjust people's behaviors in orderas to reduce crimes instead of gun control


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