We can not help everyone in the world that needs help...

We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Prioritize most important issues

Nowadays, many people have problems with discrimination, poverty and health care... so receiving help from others is very precious to them. From my point of view, I disagree with the idea that we should not help people in other countries since those problems still exist in our own society.

Although only one person cannot manage to deal with every problems of other people from the rest of the world, co-operation of many individuals can create enough strength to tackle global issues,and that helps promote not only particular country but also the entire society. There is many counterexample against the notion that one cannot break national boundaries to help neighbours and fellow citizens. Take Nelson Mandela as an example, he is though to be a failure before succeeding in abolishing the racial prejudice and fighting for justice with the help of the color community and soon became a symbol of peace to South African people and also residents who live beyond his national border.

As a consequence of globalization , considering the purpose of a nation to be a priority can only separate itself from others. Instead of that, our dedication and contribution should reach the common goals at an international level in an attempt to achieve sustainable development. For instance, poverty tends to appear more in developing countries so it is a responsibility for governments from developed nations to come up with a measure that helps the poor raise their living standard regardless of nationality. Besides, most of the social issues do not belong to any specific country so it is our duty to help each other for the sake of a better world.

In conclusion, I believe even if we are not able to help everyone in the world who are in need, it is selfish of us to only care for people nearby where we are living.

Albert, unless the prompt indicates specific problems and issues to be addressed in the essay, it would be best for you to keep to the original presentation of the prompt in your paraphrasing. This will show that you understand the discussion and will allow you to increase the task accuracy scoring of your essay. In this case, by focusing on specific topics for discussion in your paraphrasing, you totally changed the slant of your discussion. Not to mention, you said "I totally disagree", which is a different essay discussion approach from "I disagree to a certain extent due to several reasons I will be presenting", which is more aligned with the prompt instruction / question of "To what extent..." Do you see how the two discussion approaches change simply because you changed a few words in your paraphrasing? You ended up changing the whole essay discussion and instruction. Even your line of reasoning was affected in the second paragraph by this mistake.

Nelson Mandela focused his whole life on beating apartheid in South Africa. He was an inspiration to the world alright but, until later on in his life, he was solely focused on the problems of South Africa alone and did not really meddle in world politics as your paragraph seems to imply. Indeed, he served as an inspiration to others in other countries, but his focus was on securing the freedom of the native South Africans in their home country.

This mistake in your discussion would not have occurred if you had properly paraphrased the original prompt and its discussion requirements. In your next practice test, do your best to stick to the original instructions and make sure you understand the method of discussion before you start drafting your essay. If necessary, have others explain the instructions to you. That way you avoid making mistakes in your response writing.