Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


'hesitate and miss good chance' TOEFL - Young People Enjoy Life more than older



delta 1 / 1  
Dec 10, 2011   #1
Young People Enjoy Life more than old People Do

Compared to young people, although old people have more free time to company with their families, more insurance to prepare for the emergency, and richer social experience which can help them or others to deal with some questions, yet, I still think young people more enjoy life the old people do, for the following three dimensions.

The young people have better health condition than old people. As we know, sports play an important role in our life, which can not only improve our bodies, but also release our stress and bad spirits caused by work and studies. Now, many kinds of extreme sports are available for young people to change the life style, such as drift and bungee. They are all exciting, aren't they? Obviously, never would the old people choose these ways to enjoy life, even they don't want do any sports because of the poor health condition. What's more, the old people have the higher rate of suffering from serious diseases and pain. Considering cancer, it is said that the number of old people who have cancers is ten times than that of young people. Therefore, I don't think a old person could have more happiness than young people.

Besides health condition, the stress form families should also be taken into consideration. The young people have less stress than old people because looking after himself or herself well and being independent is primary, for they usually don't have children and they also needn't worry about whether to care for their parents. However, there are so many questions should trouble the old people. For example, how to arrange their heritage is very difficult, which may cause quarrel and indifferent among the families and, therefore, destroy the harmony of a family. Thus, compared to these old people, as far as I am concerned, the young people may be happier.

Indeed, the old people have more experience about how to be successful. However, it is these experience that limit the development of a career because they might not aware the variation of modern society. Thus, these experiences may not do well. While, young people is more creative than old people, they have enough time and life to attempt to use new methods and they are not so afraid of failure. But the old people may hesitate for long time and miss the good chance. For, Jobs, a creative, brilliant, and legendary tycoon, the former CEO of Apple, began his career at his 23, creating countless mercantile miracle, however, when he was 55, deciding to retire because he didn't think he can bring "fresh blood" to Apple any more. Therefore, I think young people will enjoy the happiness during the process of struggling for the success.

Thus, I think young people enjoy life more than old people do.

Riddi 7 / 16  
Dec 10, 2011   #2
"Compared to young people, although old people have" Old people as compared to young people have
"yet, I still think young people more enjoy life the old people do" still I think
stellastella 18 / 25  
Dec 13, 2011   #3
Hi
It is better to use a pattern which is used in writing an academic essay
First paragraph introduction,
Second paragraph body--> First of all, To begin with
Third paragraph body--> Second of all, What is more, Moreover
.
.

Final paragraph conclusion.--> To sum up, To conclude, In conclusion


Home / Writing Feedback / 'hesitate and miss good chance' TOEFL - Young People Enjoy Life more than older
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳