IN TODAY JOB MARKET, IT IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT TO HAVE PRACTICAL SKILLS THAN THEORETICAL KNOWLEDGE. IN THE FUTURE, JOB APPLICANTS MAY NOT NEED ANY FORMAL QUALIFICATIONS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.
Please review the developed essay from the above topic. Happy to take feedback and thanks in advance.
practical skills instead of abstract knowledge
With the growing competition in today's job market, employers are looking for people who are having more practical skills than just abstract knowledge. Going forward, the employers may not consider any of formal educational qualifications but could look for real-time experience in their fields of study. I support the latter statement to some extent and give reasons for this.
Firstly, many educational institutes across the world, are teaching and presenting what is there in the textbooks which are written by great authors. I agree with the fact that the book content was prepared not so smoothly, but by putting a lot of effort on studying and researching their ideas. Thomas Alva Edison, for example, invented the light bulb, by doing a lot of research on different elements to use as a filament. If we study his research work, we will come to know why Tungston can only be used as the main component, but we will never know why the other materials cannot be used. It means that gaining knowledge on one side alone does not help, but knowing the other part, will minimize the time, effort and money, and this is what expected from future job seekers by employers.
Alongside, having only practical skilled workers at workplace will lead to more of an unprofessional environment. It means that people who are working in industries without any education may not know how to interact with other co-workers professionally. This professional behavior is equally important along with practical skills to keep a healthy and productive environment, and this has to ensure by the employers.
In conclusion, organizations would look for people who have not only gained practical skills but also pursued a university or diploma degree. These two qualifications are equally important for companies to maintain a healthy, professional and productive environment.
@purushotham you did a very good job in representing your opening statement and paragraph discussion presentation. I can tell that you have been reading the advice that has been offered to other students here and that paid off in the TA section of your presentation. The problem, is that your body paragraphs did not accurately defend your point of view. Remember, when you create your argumentative side in the opening statement, you need to be prepared to defend it against the opposing side as well. This essay failed to do that which means that your "extent" discussion turned into a discussion that did not really balance the discussion. Your paragraphs also represents too many run-on sentences in the presentation which affected the cohesiveness and coherence of your presentation. Try to limit your presentations to only one reason at a time so that you can gain a higher score in that section. Also, make sure that you use examples that are more identifiable to the examiner.
Rather than Edison, you could have used Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg as justifications for your opinion that formal education is not as important as technical education, but that technical education will still have a purpose in the future. These two men finished some college, gaining partial theoretical knowledge that they used to advance their practical skills in the real world. This would have brought forth a more understandable reason for the need for theoretical knowledge, no matter how little, in the future.
Your second reason does not relate to the requirements of the prompt discussion. In order to support the idea that purely technical skills may be required in the future, I would have explained something about the guy who only learned how to fix cars in shop class while in high school, then went on to open his own garage shop instead of going to college, which is the business that is keeping him financially stable today. Or, I would have revised it a little to explain that people who have technical skills tend to be hired faster by employers because they expect lower salaries when they are starting out in their jobs when compared to those with certificates and diplomas.
Now, the reasoning I stated above may not work for you. These are just samples of how I would have approached the discussion in order to keep the response more in line with the prompt requirements. Anyway, good work on the TA. You will need to work more on presenting more appropriate body paragraphs though. Getting the TA component is just half the job. After that, you need to make sure that your discussion further strengthens and supports the TA. If the TA is good but the body is not so good, as in this case, then the essay will still get a problematic score in the end.
Thank you so much for your feedback. I will come up with another essay by incorporating your feedback.
On the other note, I appreciate you for taking time to read and give feedback. I could learn a variety of sentences formation from your comments text.
It helps. Thanks again.
I think that you need to arrange your argument and the structure of the essay more properly.
Your supporting points is not really persuasive to me. You need to go deeper with your argument or add more points to make it more persuasive. You can refer my opinions below:
1. Formal qualification does not represent your potential ability or practical skill, which the employer is truly seeking for.
2. Companies now are providing Pre-employment training, a program that seeks for qualified candidates by training them how to do certain task => People with good skill/ practical experience is more likely to get hired, not the one with good degree.
I think, you could write that sentence in the following way:
I agree (...) not so smoothly, but we have to acknowledge that there a lot of effort put on studying and ...