human responsibilities towards nature
Its completely true we as a human being are fully responsible for the disaster of our world and it is inclining day by day. Keeping ourself on the top of the organogram we have had no care for the bottom lines like plants and animals. Few individual believe that this impact will not changed while others having hope that with some steps improvement in the scenerio is possible. In my opinion, we still have a chance to improve our earth and make it comfortable for every creature of this world.
We are considered now the most selfish creature of this world, as the technology is building we only cared for the modernization and our development. Global warming is one of the big example of the effect on environment. Eniveronmentalist are scared and warried about the future of this world the way it is going. Although some steps can be taken to improve the quality of life on earth for plants and animals as well, for an instance, building new trees and improving wild life in national parks, banned on cutting of trees and killing of animals.
Human activities like industrial emission, building of new cities on forest areas, imbalancing the ecosystem has made this scenerio worst and now its most difficult to improve, although change is possible but with very slow rate.
In conclusion, Some strict rules and regulations are required and to obey them to improve the quality of life for every creature of this earth. We still have a chance to minimize the negative impact of human activities on plants and animals.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,876 4563
Bhat, you treated this compare and contrast essay, with a personal opinion statement as a direct question essay. This turned the essay into a personal opinion declaration only. So you can expect to only get a partial score on this essay. The prompt requirement clearly states "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion". Therefore, this is a 5 paragraph essay composed of:
1. Prompt restatement with thesis presentation at the end;
2. First point of view with only 1 topic presented with justification / example;
3. 2nd point of view also with 1 topic and justification
4. Personal opinion with justification
5. Summary statement.
Your thesis statement was a direct response to the question being asked. It would have been a proper response for a direct question essay but not for a discussion essay. The proper thesis statement for this is similar to:
The human undertakings have been showing detrimental results upon the flora and fauna kingdom. While there is a belief that these effects can be altered, some believe that it is unchangeable. In this presentation, both points of view will be presented along with my personal opinion which will support the public belief that I believe to be true.
Consider that there are 2 points of view to be discussed before your personal opinion and you will see how your presentation is in error. You use the term "we" which connotes a personal opinion based on a public perception. In this essay, discussing the 2 points of view should be done in the 3rd person perspective with only your personal opinion being presented from the first person POV.
These are no doubt unknown errors in your part which need to be corrected in your next essay. Remember that the essay must always refer to the instructions required. Use ownership statements that make it clear to the reader that you are presenting a public point of view and not a personal one. Read the examples here in order to learn how to properly refer to the various points of view in the paragraphs. It isn't hard. My suggestion is to say phrases like:
"Some groups say"
"Others believe that"
"Referring to the point of view of"
These are just some of the terms you can use to refer to the 3rd person reference.
You really developed a good essay. The problem is just the presentation. The presentation will pull down your TA score because of the lack of 2 point of view presentation. Always remember to double check your statement against the original instructions. Make sure that keyword references are included that make the point of view discussion clear to the examiner is included. Don't forget to use transitional sentences at the end of each paragraph to connect each essay for the improvement of your C&C and GRA scores as well.
@Holt, Thank you so much, unexpected details description, I am really glad to hear from you. thank you once again and I will try to work on your suggestions. great