Hello to all, I am returning student after 20 years. I finished all my classes to graduate with a 4.0 however believe it or not, college composition I was missed in my degree plan. I am trying the CLEP to test out of taking this class which means I can graduate very soon assuming I pass the CLEP. I have posted a sample essay below - I would love to receive feedback on the essay to understand what I need to focus on in preparation for my CLEP
This is the sample essay question:
There are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set on ourselves.
Write an essay in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement above. Support your discussion with specific reasons and examples from your reading, experience, or observations.
This is my response essay:
We are all very unique in our own ways. No human being is exactly alike and as such, we process our desires to survive, achieve, and succeed different to other humans. This includes how we interpret and perceive challenges and goals that we set upon ourselves versus the ones that are set for us by other people. In some instances, the goals and challenges we put upon ourselves are the most challenging. In other instances, the goals and challenges that others' place or expect of us are the most challenging. This essay will show that challenges and goals set on ourselves are not necessarily the most challenging to achieve as it depends on each of us, our uniqueness and individuality.
We are all born with a predefined survival instinct to include specific developmental milestones that are needed, such as roll over, walk, talk, motor skills, and so on. Development of these skills varies greatly but nonetheless, we all want to live. As we grow up and mature, we start learn about cause and effect. A simple example of cause and effect could be as follows: A higher educational degree results in a better job, resulting in a more affluent lifestyle. Another example, perhaps more relevant for a child, could be: Eat all your dinner results in more play time before going to bed at night. Once we reach an age where this is understood, we start to challenge ourselves and set goals. Different people have different levels of wants, desires and expectations and thus we can start to see two distinct paths that most of us follow.
Some people follow what is termed in this essay as the minimalistic path. This is the path where people do the minimum to get by and typically in these cases, the goals and challenges imposed by others onto these people out weigh their own expectations of themselves. In other words, meeting the goals and expectations that others have for us is more challenging than meeting our own expectations.
The other path, termed in this essay as the "over" achiever path, is the path followed by people who are super ambitious and always striving for more or to be better at whatever they are doing. In these cases, the challenges and goals set upon themselves are the most difficult to achieve and very rarely satisfied. In these cases, we can be our own worst enemy; never satisfied and highly critical of ourselves.
There are all types of people, each handling different situations very differently. To say that "there are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set on ourselves" implies that we all follow the "over achiever" path which cannot be true as we are all different from each other. Ultimately, it is the unforeseen challenges coupled with how we overcome them that truly define us.
This is a persuasive essay prompt and you make several good arguments. However, your essay would be more effective if you appeal to Logos, Pathos, and Ethos. Most of your essay seems to be based on logical arguments. I would advise you to make it more personable. I think you attempted to do this in the latter part of your essay but it should be more noticeable.
No human being is exactly alike and as such, we process our desires to survive, achieve, and succeed different to other humans
This "human" part sounds a bit over done. Also, you are repeating the same idea in the first part of this sentence. This is a good sentence, by you need to remove those effects from this one. Then it'll become better :)
Our desires and our approaches for both survival and achievements are very unique and different form one another.We are all very unique in our own ways. No human being is exactly alike and as such, we process our desires to survive, achieve, and succeed different to other humans. This includes how we interpret and perceive challenges and goals that we set upon ourselves versus the ones that are set for us by other people. In some instances, the goals and challenges we put upon ourselves are the most challenging. In other instances, the goals and challenges that others' place or expect of us are the most challenging. This essay will show that challenges and goals set on ourselves are not necessarily the most challenging to achieve as it depends on each of us, our uniqueness and individuality.
Also, I feel your introduction is going a bit out of topic. Your prompt talks about how we face our challenges and pursue our goals, isn't it?
thank you - i'll read up on Logos, Pathos and Ethos and apply to my next atempt. I very much apperciate your comments. I agree with the comments regarding the introduction as well. It did go off topic. Thank you and I'll try another essay in a couple of days.
