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IELTS_TASK2_ People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives


itsmonica 2 / 2  
May 1, 2014   #1
TOPIC: People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to overcome it?

ESSAY:

In present-day society, to accomplish own dreams, most people has failed to keep a balance between their busy work and daily lives and this problem has to some extent troubled

There is no doubt that the imbalance between work and lives can exert detrimental impacts on people. Spending too much time on work, people can create a potential gap between themselves and family members because of lacking of emotional communications. Moreover, sitting in front of a office desk poses a threat to personal health and can reduce their life expectancy before enjoying a comfortable life for a long time.

In present-day society, to accomplish own dreams, most people has failed to keep a balance between their busy work and daily lives and this problem has to some extent troubled

There is no doubt that the imbalance between work and lives can exert detrimental impacts on people. Spending too much time on work, people can create a potential gap between themselves and family members because of lacking of emotional communications. Moreover, sitting in front of a office desk poses a threat to personal health and can reduce their life expectancy before enjoying a comfortable life for a long time.

The causes of the problem should be ascertained. It is obvious that a vast number of workers do not have a flexible time management as they just fill all their time with all kinds of work, leaving no extra time on leisure. For example, they regard their home as a place to sleep rather than to chat with family members. Besides, under too much peer and social pressure in the company, people have to force themselves to be absorbed in their work and are not easily be destracted.

Given the severity and reasons of the problem, there are some adoptable approaches. Firstly, a strict schedule is needed in order to boost the work efficiency so that people will return home early and be conscious of talking, sharing and exchanging ideas with wife and kids, largely strengthening family ties. In addition, by forming a regular and healthy lifestyle, and therefore they will do their utmost on work tomorrow. For example, doing some sports like swimming helps to alleviate pressure from daily life in a n effective way.

In sum, the imbalance of work and lives bring people negative effects and causes of it are manifold, therefore, people can take effective steps to overcome the problem.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
May 1, 2014   #2
most people has failed

... wrong grammar - people is a plural word and therefore it should be " most people have failed:
I feel you need to improve on the structure of the introduction.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
May 1, 2014   #3
here, I suggest you to use a phrase once or twice only, try to use various phrases, it will increase your score

but, you have already written well
niesaysi 16 / 290 85  
May 1, 2014   #4
In present-day society, to accomplish own dreams, most people hashave failed to keep a balance between their busy work and daily lives. and this problem has to some extent troubled

I agree with Pahan. You still need to improve your introduction. If you want to earn more points, follow the approach he has given above.


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