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IETLS 2: Discussions on travelling


peterc 14 / 52  
Jun 2, 2012   #1
Hi all,

Here is my new essay. I have not written essays for a while and I hope it's not too bad this time. Please feel free to comment and correct. Thank you!!

It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? Discuss.

Travelling is very popular in many countries in general, where people spend a significant amount of time on this to relax or try to widen their vision within the year. Indeed, this advantageous activity could let the visitors perceive brand new things which are usually unprecedented to them. In the opposite side, however, some argue that discovering the beauty of their own land should be done first.

One of the important gift we earn is the language. Visitors could by no means evade from purchasing gifts or entering negotiations and gossips with local merchants. This in turn boost up their capability on the language. History would be another major learning as evidently, buildings, utility companies and even conversations with sophisticated local citizens would indirectly tell their stories.

Regarding the debatable view on whether exploration on the own land should be the first priority, the advocates believe that the ease of exploration is an apparently convincing argument. For instance, those young citizens could visit certain museums at no cost. Understanding the history and beauty of their own country would be another strong point. It is the responsibility of a citizen to have a clear picture of their birthplace.

There are also totally different view to this topic. The low cost of exploration would be a limitation on the other hand, as in the reality world, cost does relate to its content, and thus the vision is consequently limited. Some also argue that it is not enough to understand their own country only as it might result in a biased view, either historically or politically. For example, people living in a communist country might not be able to discover the details of a democratic regime.

The advantages of travelling, primarily regarding language and history, give an encouraging push for citizens to go for trips besides of relaxation. For the debate on whether we should explore our own country first, there is clearly merits in both sides of the argument. Personally, I agree to explore our own land in the first place as it is our root and heart, despite those with enough financial capability could consider the other option.

Mustafa1991 8 / 373 4  
Jun 2, 2012   #2
Travelling is very popular in many countries in general , wherepeople spend a significant amount of time on this to relax trying to relax or try to and widen their vision. Indeed, this advantageous activity could let the visitors have the opportunity to perceive see brand new things which are usually unprecedented to them and encounter new situations. In the opposite side, however, some argue that discovering the beauty of their own land should be done first is more important. .

Traveling is popular in many countries. People spend a significant amount of time trying to relax and widen their vision. Visitors have the opportunity to see new things and encounter new situations. Some argue that discovering the beauty of their own land is more important.

I'm not sure what this assignment is for. Are you supposed to argue both sides of the issue?
Saidakhror 6 / 21  
Jun 2, 2012   #3
Mustafa is right, first two bodies are related to the questions were given, but why do you need the third one???you have tried to use different sentence structures but those are mixed and abstruse so that only the writer knows what he intended to say. Also, there is no one whole essay with links between sentences rather it is numerous sentences that are written as a one essay. Work on these components and then your essay will look like much more attractive


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