Ietls writing task 2 - opinion eassy questions - energy and resources

Question
With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources.
To what extent do you agree?

This is my first post. I am using Writing&Improve, but I find that the system is not able to provide advices on sentence structure and grammar. I am self-studying the IELTS exam, I hope someone here can help. Thankyou. Please comments.

consumption of energy and limited resources

My writing
The consumption of fossil fuels, such as oil and gas, are raising internationally, so there is a pressure to discover a new source of resources in some places where is not revealed before. In my opinion, I agree to look up new resources in order to maintain the daily activities, however, I disagree focus on fossil fuels only. It is highly important for everyone to discover green resources, for instance wind and solar power.

Due to the increase in population, it shows an upward trend of the demand in resources. One method to keep the usage under control is through the birth control, however, this will cause a serious political issue. Hence, if we are not able to manipulate the demand, the only solution is an increase in supply.

With regards to traditional resources, the widespread use of oil and gas will create serious pollution. The toxic gas, released by car engines, is deteriorating the air quality which leads to lungs cancer and it becomes one of the common diseases in the metropolitans. Therefore, despite the fact that the excellent transport network is increased convenience and efficiency drastically, the countries will have a greater burden of medical expenses if gas is the main resource.

Nevertheless, green resources provide a supplementary choice for us. Thanks to the scientists, the technique of green resources become reliable and cost-efficient. This is a clean and sustainable alternative which is turning the nature power into energy. So, the government can take the lead to use more renewable resources and make it filter through to the community. Thus, we will live in a safe and convenient city.

In conclusion, although the consumption is increasing, we have a better option to satisfy the shortage by developing green resources.

Hi Mandy, welcome to EssayForum. You've come to the right place for a self reviewing exam taker. I'll do my very best to assist you during your review process. You can write the essays based upon the program you are using to review for the test, then post it here for real time comments and advice from me. Just remember though, as a contributor, I can only give you one free advice per thread. So don't ever forget to post the prompts (for Task 2) and images plus prompts (for Task 1). For now, I would like to focus on your current essay. Rest assured, if you listen to the advice that I give you and apply all the improvements I will be suggesting, we can get you ready for the IELTS test in almost no time.

It is important that you familiarize yourself with the various essay discussion prompts that you will be coming across for the Task 2 essay. Each essay has a specific discussion format that needs to be followed. In this essay, it is an "extent" discussion that you need to be presenting. When you work on an extent essay, you need to focus on the reasons why you either agree or disagree with the essay. The minute you discuss both points of view, you fail the TA section, which fails the test because you did not follow the required instructions from the original prompt.

In this essay, you need to only provide the extent of your support or non-support as either partial, total, or complete. Choose from one of the 3 extent descriptions and write a 3 body paragraph that offers support and justification for your point of view. Then summarize the important points of the essay in the conclusion and close. It's that simple.

You have to remember to be consistent in your writing. The normal format for a Task 2 essay is 5 paragraph, minimum of 3 (maximum of 5) sentences per paragraph. This format will allow you to fully utilize the potential of your writing when it comes to the scoring considerations. You increase your overall score by writing more interesting body paragraphs. For this essay though, I think you will do well with only 4 paragraphs because a personal opinion is not required. 5 paragraphs is the ideal presentation. However, if it is not required, you don't need to present 5 paragraphs. Anywhere between 4-5 paragraphs is acceptable.

Since this is your first essay at this forum and you did not follow the correct format for the presentation, I will not be scoring your essay at this point. You need to present an essay that properly addresses the requirements of the discussion. Don't bother to revise this essay because I won't be able to review it. Just move on to the next essay topic, pick one that has the same instruction as this essay (extent) and then post that one in a new thread. I will then review that essay and start working with you on your points for improvement.

i think the task respond criteria isn't complete, the question is agree or disagree with find out new areas of undiscovered, not solutions for this issue, so it digress from question when you talk about green energy