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Essay IETLS task 2: Sponsor for national sport teams. Who should financially support the teams?

Sri Hardiyanti 1 / -  
May 29, 2017   #1
Some people think that national sport teams and individual men and women who represent their country should be financially supported by government. However, others argue that they should be funded by non-government sources (e/g business. scholarship and etc). Discuss both views!

national budget on sport

Mostly, national athletes who participate in international sport competition have less budged financed their own necessities alongside the events. For this reason, some inhabitants claim that the sport team must be officially funded by government, while the others state that the athletes will be better to be supported by non-goverment. This essay will ellaborate both views that will be written below

No one enable deny the national sport teams who are potential to become a winner in the International sport competitions will be authomatically proud by society as the a remarkable representative of their own country. Obviously, if they gain the goblet, the name of their nation will be familiarized in the world. Requiring many attainable achivements in numerous fields included in sports lead to a highly qualification for their state. It is admitted that, the participation attempting the victory should be funded by government in order to appreciate their achievement which reputably bring an admirable profit to their nation. A good example is shown by football team in Brazil who is fully funded by their goverment. The result in, sport teams enable to perform their maximal work in the competition with a national spirit beacuse they officially bring their country's name. This encouragament of Brazilian goverment and its inhabitants depicts a kindly way to present the support to the sport teams as a priority, although virtually most of Brazilians are also still in an improverished background.

However, non-government also probably contribute a larger fund than goverment. The fact highlights that the main problems of the finance still relate to the less of budget provided by the government. The allocation of the sport budget enables to impact to the reducing of the other fields' budget which also own necessities to utilize the budget for many social programmes . By considering this case, non-goverment would be one of the solution to be a sponsor to donate the athlete's involvement in the international competition. For instance, Taufik Hidayat, a professional badminton player from Indonesia who obtained the sponsorship from DJARUM. The finance completely provided all of his facilitation until he achieved an international world goblet in badminton competition. As a result, the sponsor from non-goverment is helpfull for the athletes.

Owning to this, both sides particullary bring different merits for the national sport team. The budget from the goverment will reasonably make a sense as representative of nation, while the budget from non-goverment has the larger donation to facilitate the athletes during the competition.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,939 3570  
May 30, 2017   #2
Sri, in all honesty, the grammar problems and mistakes in your spelling are so severe in this essay that as an examiner, I found myself wishing that I could stop reading your essay and end my torture. Please make it a habit to double check your spelling and proof read your grammar for mistakes. Also, the term is trophy, not goblet. A while a trophy is sometimes called a goblet, due to the shape that is similar to a drinking glass, the official term is trophy. The word is spelled "automatic", without an H. These sorts of avoidable mistakes are what draws your score closer to failing instead of passing. I suggest that before you start writing these essays, that you practice writing simple English sentences​ properly first using online practice sites. You need to be able to write and develop sentences properly in order to enhance your chances at a higher score based on language proficiency. Right now, it is highly difficult to understand the thought process and message delivery in your essay. That doesn't bode well for your final exam score in this section.
okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
May 30, 2017   #3
Sri, although you tried your best in the introductory paragraph, it is not good enough to earn you substantial marks for the overall score. This is because your current draft lack proper paraphrase of the prompt and thesis statement is completely out. The last sentence of the 1st paragraph should have been the perfect point where the thesis statement comes in, but what you have there did not tell the reviewer anything concerning what the body of your essay is all about. From the body of the essay I could understand, based on your argument, that financial support from government would raise the team spirit athletes while that of non-government would be more encompassing and far reaching. Fortunately, my last statement, ''...financial support from government would...'' can serve as a thesis statement for your essay if properly constructed. While I commend the way you organised your paragraphs, without regard to the content anyway, I feel that you still need more work to do in terms of mastery of English grammar. It is usually a good practice to start the second paragraph with a transition word or phrase such as 'Firstly', 'On the one hand', and so on. There are lots of typos, incomplete statements and expressions with little or no sense in paragraphs 2 and 3 which made your essay very difficult to peruse. You really need to keep working on your vocabulary and take out time to study some good and reviewed IELTS Task 2 essays in this forum. That way, you will surely improve faster. For a starter, I would like to show you an example of a good introduction for your essay prompt:

A number of individuals believe that countryside sports teams and athletes who stand for their nations in gaming competitions should earn government's fiscal encouragement. On the contrary, many people opine that non-governmental sources should take up the funding roles. While one school of thought argue that non-government source would provide sufficient and extensive monetary assistance than government whose financial attention is needed by other sectors of the economy, the other owe their view to the fact that financial backup from government would boost the team spirit of the country's representatives.

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