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( IELTS essay) Ignoring national celebrations and enjoying themselves?



joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 14, 2013   #1
Nowadays people are forgetting national celebrations and enjoying themselves on other days that are important to them personally. Discuss and give your opinion.

Celebrations became an integral part of our social life. Though people are celebrating public and private important days, I feel they are more specific in personal day's celebration. In my essay I will explore why I think so.

To begin with, public celebrations are the occasions which people are getting a chance to know their national heroes, respect them, pass the knowledge about the knowledge of their great contributions to younger generation. However, today's generation though they are celebrating it nobody is taking it as a serious event. The time they are using as a opportunity to finish their pending works or enjoy an outing. In short, people are engaged in deeds, which are not related to the public day. For instance, in children's day the celebrations are limited in speeches about Jawaharlal Nehru or some stage performances. The remaining hours of the day all are engaged in their own personal works such as, cleaning the house, shopping or even finishing the home works. Besides, some people save this leaves and take it in another day to fulfill their personal needs.

On the other hand, private celebrations like birthdays or wedding anniversary celebrations bring more happiness and togetherness. People mostly apply for a leave and try to be with near and dear ones. The celebrations no matter big or small, people are often enjoying the whole day. Special foods, new clothes and exchanging gifts multiply the joy of these great occasions. These days are considered as the milestones of their personal life. People in these great days obliged to look back and realize and remind the happy moments once happened. It provides wonderful moments of get together. Family members and friends who are living apart are coming together. For instance, for the celebration of the wedding anniversary of old parents, sons and daughters from different continents even gather. This personal important moments paved way to another beautiful events. Public celebrations are not able to give this type of enjoyment. However, people nowadays chose these days to show their effluent to other people.

To conclude, though people are celebrating public and private celebrations, I feel, private celebrations have an upper hand and hold more depth. Personal celebrations are increasingly important because they are great occasions of get togetherness, sharing, enjoyment and reminders of good old days.

Can anybody give me synonyms for celebration...Thank you

monaph 2 / 6  
Jan 14, 2013   #2
Though people are celebrating public and private important days, I feel they are more specific in personal day's celebration.

though is a bit informal. It's better to say "Despite the fact that"

To begin with, public celebrations are the occasions which people are gettingget a chance to know their national heroes, respect them, pass the knowledge about the knowledge oftheir great contributions to younger generation.

The time they are using spending can be considered as aan opportunity to finish their pending works or enjoy an outing.

It provides wonderful moments of getgetting together.

Thisthese personal important moments pavedpaveswaythe way to another beautiful events.

Here are some synonyms for celebration:
jobilation, festivity, ritual, social event, social function
OP joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 14, 2013   #3
Hai Mona...

Thanks for the valuable comments and correction...
big thanks for the informative synonyms...):

Opportinity is starting with the vowel 'o' so i think an is sutable there..

Second correction i feel it became an incomplete sentance after cutting the last part.

Thanks for your time ..
Tessy
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 14, 2013   #4
Celebrations became an integral part of our social life.

.... align this more with the topic
National celebrations are an integral part of our social life.

Though people are celebrating public and private important days, I feel they are more specific in personal day's celebration.

Although people celebrate important days of both national and private, I feel they pay more attention to celebrated days that are of personal nature.

In my essay I will explore why I think so.

.... this sounds a bit stereo type :D ...I generally advise everybody to state their opinion right here in the introduction as it helps the examiner to follow the reasoning in rest of the essay better as he already knows which side of the argument the writer is in.
devabe2005 46 / 96  
Jan 14, 2013   #5
happy moments once happened.

this sounds better ---> happy moments of their past.

living apart are coming together.

it is better ---> living apart are get together.

celebration --> festivity, carnival, gala,
OP joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 14, 2013   #6
Hai Dumi...
Thants for your valuable corrections..

Hai Mona..
I was little comfused about your correction when i tried to change the original essay in my lap. Please use red ink for your suggestions and please cut my words which you feel wrong and write your corrections there...

Thanks..
Tessy
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jan 14, 2013   #7
I think you have shown some very good points. You have constructed your essay very nicely as well. Here are a few suggestions.

To begin with, public celebrations aretheoccasionswhichwherepeopleare gettinggeta chance to know their national heroes, respect them, pass the knowledge about the knowledge of their great contributions to younger generation.
monaph 2 / 6  
Jan 15, 2013   #8
Hi Tessy
Sorry, I had problem with using red link and strike-through.So, some of my corrections seem meaningless. I tried to correct them but my I couldn't succeed. I hope I haven't made you confused.

Wish you luck
OP joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 15, 2013   #9
Hai Mona...

No need to say sorry...): Your comments are not at all meaninngless... i appreciate your corrections. I am checking the corrections in the mobile and finally i am correcting it in the lap. So just for your future comments i told you...):

You are welcomed to comment on essays..no problem at all

Thanks for your support..
Tessy
OP joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 17, 2013   #10
Hai Pahan...

Thanks for correcting the opening para sentance...

Thanks for all for their valuable comments...

Tessy


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